Suicide Girl
by Queen-Cocaine
Summary: She came. She came and destroyed my life. And now I've started my new life. New life if that's what you call it. I've become what i wanted most. But without the one i wanted most. Go figure. I'm not Bella Swan anymore. **Adopted by Lollirotxox**
1. The Death of Bella Swan

**_EEP! First Twilight story! I'm finishing my first two stories and staring up a whole heap more at the moment! Right now I'm doing two Tamora Pierce and attempting to finish a Mediator. What better time to start the fanfic running round my head for the past few weeks and pissing me off. And just so you know, this fanfic basically came from the song 'Angels' by Within Temptation. I'd had a vague outline before but the song gave me the current idea and cemented it. Yay for music! This is somewhere in New Moon, Edward's still gone and it's when Jacob 'leaves' too but before Bella finds out he's a werewolf. She hasn't met Laurence in the woods either. I've made a few changes to the original plotline to suit my story and tir up losoe ends. So here's Suicide Girl, my infant child. Cue curtains!_**

**Disclaimer: In a fit of sorrow and madness I must confess that I don't actually own these characters or this world. Please excuse me while I go slit my wrists in a fit of emo-ness. **

Chapter One

The eyes; deep scarlet, bleeding into pitch black.

Those eyes caught my own terrified brown ones in their hypnotic gaze as the huntress stalked closer to me. I was curled up in the corner watching her fearfully as she came closer and closer.

Involuntarily I cast a quick glance into the corner where Charlie's body lay. She'd gotten him first, in the middle of the night.

Her beautifully fierce lips curved into a smirk, her fangs dripping venom down over the reddened lips and down her alabaster chin.

"Bella, Bella, Bella" her musical voice was taunting as she wandered further towards me. I was trying to push myself further into the wall, anything to get away from this mad woman.

"Poor little Isabella. Where's your precious Edward now? Not coming to save you?" The hole in my chest gave a particularly strong throb at the mention of his name.

She was right of course. Edward wasn't here, he probably wasn't coming back either. I meant nothing to him. Poor plain, clumsy Isabella Swan would never be good enough for a beautiful, graceful angel like Edward Cullen.

I guess I should have realised that sooner. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much when he left.

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course it would have hurt either way. I just didn't want to admit it at the time. Admit that there was no way I would ever be enough for him to love. He said as much to me when he left.

'You're no good for me.'

Of course I wasn't. I can't even walk over a flat surface without finding something to trip over. I can't even protect my own father. I looked again into Charlie's blank eyes.

I did this to him. I brought the darkness into our lives.

I killed him, the only parent I had left.

Renee died in a car accident about two months ago during my 'empty' period. I hadn't written to her in the longest time. She must have been so worried about me. Worried enough to not be concentrating on driving.

Did I kill my mother as well?

Did I cause the death of free spirited Renee who could never keep down one hobby?

Edward was right to keep away from me. I'd probably somehow cause his demise and the rest of the Cullen's; Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, even Rosalie. In spite of the fact that it's exceptionally hard to kill a vampire, I'm sure I'd somehow accidentally manage it.

The vampire cupped my face with one marble cold, hard hand and tilted it up to meet her crimson eyes

"Do you know why I'm here little Bella?" she asked lightly.

Innocence dripped through her voice, innocence I knew to be false. I remained silent. Gently, almost carefully she gave a little slap to my cheek. Enough to give a little sting but not enough to bruise

"Answer me when I speak to you my little snack" her finger clasped round my face, harder this time "Do you know why I'm here"

I swallowed my fear and answered as sarcastically as I could manage "I'm not sure Victoria but please, feel free to tell me"

Victoria's put her face right in front of mine, a few inches separating us. She breathed out and her sweet scented breath filled my nose, making my head spin.

"I'm here because your darling Edward took away the only light in my immortal existence" I frowned trying to piece together what she meant.

What did Edward take away from Victoria? Her success? Her meal? Neither of those things seemed as important as Victoria implied though being a vampire I don't know what she would hold dear. I don't even know what Edward hold dear other than his piano.

I used to think it was me, like Alice loved Jasper and Carlisle loved Esme.

Then it hit me.

Victoria saw by my wide-eyed expression that I got her meaning and continued, "Yes Bella, I can see by your face that you get it. James. He took away James. The one thing I held dear to my admittedly black heart. My mate" she spat the word in my face. I flinched.

"And to make an attempt at consoling myself to a lifetime without him I've decided to take away the thing that his killer held dear. Hurt him as he has hurt me. Make him want to die like I've felt for the first time in my eternal existence. So I thought to my self 'What does 'Edward Cullen love more than anything else in the world?' then I thought of how my darling James died. How that excuse for a vampire killed him to stop him from reaching his goal. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

She was wrong. She was right in Edward killing James to protect me but she was wrong in that I wasn't the thing that Edward loved more than anything else. Edward didn't love me anymore.

"You Bella" he voice took on a slightly hysterical edge through the musical tone

"He killed my mate and love for scrawny little mortal YOU" she screamed in my face now, her voice still managing to sound beautiful though it was a wild beauty not unlike herself.

But not like the singing tones of Alice or the smooth velvet tones of Ed- No I couldn't let myself think that name.

Victoria stood back up. I looked up at her towering above my crouched frame. Her silhouette was faintly illuminated round the edges from the single lamp glowing on the table beside the couch, the sole light stopping this house from plunging into darkness.

It especially lit around Victoria's vivid red hair and made her look as though her head was on fire. And fire kills things.

"You may think it's a twisted way of revenge, instead of killing the murder one I'm killing the one he murdered for. Tit for tat you may call it. Edward killed James for you and now I'm killing you for James"

"You're wrong" I whispered almost silently but I knew she would hear it clearly.

Her brow puckered "Really? Am I so wrong in getting revenge" she gave a harsh laugh.

"No," I replied "You're wrong in choosing me. I won't hurt him. Edward doesn't love me anymore"

I've said it enough time in my head but I wasn't prepared for the sharp jolt of pain that went through my chest when I admitted it out loud. It just seemed more real and permanent out loud and the hole tore open again.

Victoria looked at me and gave a sharp laugh "Really? And what would make you think that? I know you were some sort of 'pet' of theirs and I did think it slightly bizarre that they would leave you behind. But Bella dear, it takes a great amount of effort to kill a vampire especially one as dangerous and gifted as my James is-was" even now I could sense the mourning in her tone and I almost felt sorry for her.

Even if Edward wasn't dead I still knew how it felt to lose him. After all I wasn't going to see him ever again.

Victoria continued "No vampire would take on another without good reason…or inspiration" she looked obviously at me. I know what she's thinking, even without Edwards's gift.

"You're mistaken, he doesn't love me. He said so himself when he l-left me" I said unemotionally, stumbling a bit on the word 'left'.

I'm good at being unemotional. It's been my demeanour since he left. I'd thawed a bit around Jacob but now he's left me as well.

Victoria raised an enquiring eyebrow and tapped a finger to her lips thoughtfully "Well I suppose it doesn't really make sense that the Edward would leave you behind without any protection. I guess he doesn't really love you" she gave a small laugh and my heart twisted painfully in my chest. I thought it was going to pop right out.

Victoria shrugged "Shame" her gaze turned to me and it struck me that she had a keen glint in her eyes. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip slowly and tilted her head, appraising me.

"Now my punishment for you won't get the desired results…but that doesn't mean I should stop on Edwards account does it?"

My throat seized up and I couldn't answer her question despite the fact that it was rhetorical. More than anything I wished Edward was here. Victoria took one step towards me and I cowered further into the wall.

"Oh precious, I have plans for you Isabella Swan and in case you haven't noticed from my eyes, daddy didn't exactly fill me up" she gave a tilt in the head towards Charlie's body. I let out a sob.

I'm so sorry Charlie.

Faster than I could blink I was pinned against the wall by my throat. Hot tears unwillingly made their way down my cheeks.

Victoria's eyes centred on them as they ran down and with one quick flick of her tongue she licked them up off my cheek. First right side then left.

Her head threw back savouring the taste. She let out a moan and her teeth dripped venom.

"I can see the attraction to you Isabella. Your body oozes temptation; ever your tears are sweetly succulent. I can't wait to taste your blood"

With one hand hold my body firmly into place the other swept over in and with one swift move, pulled down the neck of my jumper to allow her teeth to sink into my neck.

Almost instantly fire burned from the spot only to be extinguished by the numbing pleasure that came from the venom in her teeth. I fought furiously against the drowsy ease that threatened to overcome my senses and the burning that lingered at the edge of my mind.

All of a sudden the happiness was wrenched violently away from me and I cried out as I hit the floor, Victoria no longer there to support me.

My body flew into spasms and I could make out blurry shapes above me as I seizured on the ground.

The pain was threatening to engulf me again and I could just make out a screech, Victoria. The red flash that was her hair was quickly being overcome by a larger shape.

A huge mammal- no four huge animals were bearing down on her. Were they the bears that have been killing hikers around the mountains?

I couldn't think properly and the pain was almost completely overwhelming me. The fire burned all of my senses, travelling throughout my body. Someone was holding my, shaking me.

"Bella, Bella! Speak to me please!"

I couldn't quite make out the face above me. I wanted Edward.

Another voice joined the first one, Victoria was no where to be seen.

"The bloodsucker left before we could take her down" the second voice was saying

"What's wrong with Bella?" the first asked fearfully.

"She's been bitten; Jake we have to get her to the hospital" a third chimed in.

Jake! This was Jake cradling me in his arms.

I tried to talk to him but nothing came out. It was like my throat wasn't working, had been replaced by the exhaust pipe of a motorcycle. I was sure smoke must be coming out of my mouth from the fire engulfing my body.

Jake shushed me "Don't try to talk Bella. We can't take her to the hospital Embry"

There was a blend of voices, anger colouring their tones. The second voice started to speak again and they all fell silent immediately

"We need to take her to the hospital Jake. She most likely won't live through this and we can't take any risks with her body being found near La Push. And if she does…'survive' this, how can we have a vampire in our lands? In our home? She's going to hospital and that's final"

Jake's voice started to protest again "Sam-" he was cut off by a forth voice

"You heard Sam Jake. The police are already on their way, we can't do anything more for her and we can't be caught here" There was more angry voices and suddenly I was lain gently down on the floor.

"I'm sorry Bella. But I can't disobey him" Jake whispered.

I tried to cry out to him, for him to stay. If I couldn't have Edward then Jake was the next best thing. A short burst of air momentarily cooled me but the fire quickly returned and I knew I was alone in my agony.

Five hours, or was it minutes, later a new sound came from outside. The wailing of siren and screeching of tires as a red and blue flashing appeared on the wall from the window outside. My mind was almost completely taken over by the black pain as the banging started and ended suddenly as the door way kicked down. More sounds, people filled the room and a flurry of voices hurt my head.

"Chief Swan?"

"He's dead"

"What about the girl"

"Alive"

"Chief Swan's daughter is still alive! Call paramedics!"

"Bella Swan survived. Something's wrong with her though"

"Any clue on the assailant"

"None" the voices carried on and on running through my head as the fire raced through my body.

I twisted in agony and suddenly I was surrounded by people in white. A brief lifting sensation and I was on a stretcher. Then I was in an ambulance. More people in white coats blurred around me and finally the pain took over and it was black.

--------------------------

A continuous high pitched noise awoke me. With my eyes shut I could hear everything clearly. There were feet rushing around me, murmured voices speaking clearly

"Machine flat lined, she's gone"

Another female spoke "It's a shame Dr Cullen left, perhaps he could have saved her. She was his son's girlfriend wasn't she?"

"Yes, poor love. I hope they catch whoever did this to her and her father"

I opened my eyes a fraction of a crack, not noticeable to anyone of the people surrounding me. I could still see everything so clearly.

I could see the skin cells on a grey haired nurse standing over me, the gap between each eyelash, even a piece of dirt caught in one of her wrinkles. Okay, that last one creeped me out a little.

There was a slight pressure on my left index finger and my squinted gaze shifted down to see an item like a paperclip attached to it. A cord lead up to the machine that was making the monotonous noise; a screen with a green flat line playing across it.

It hit me with a jolt, I was dead.

No, I was a vampire.

And if I made a single move anytime soon I would freak out a lot of people. I stayed perfectly still; a marble statue was what I used to call him when he went like this.

The nurse leant over me again and I could hear the pumping of her heart and the rushing of blood through her veins, I was suddenly hit with a burning feeling in the back of my throat.

I was hungry, really hungry.

My mind came up with two possibilities; I could either slaughter this woman and anyone else who happened to observe me. My eyes flickered round the room, three doctors and five nurses plus an open door meaning anyone who happened to be passing by at the time.

Or, I could lie perfectly still and wait for the opportune moment to leave.

I took another look at the nurse standing over me. She looked like someone's grandmother. In fact she probably was, and a mother and a wife.

A pang hit me as I thought of my own mother, then of Charlie. He was killed by a vampire, a monster, was I going to put another family through that?

No, I stayed perfectly still and felt the paperclip thing be pulled off my finger and the flat line machine to be switched off.

I was shifted to another trolley; someone idly commented "I've never known a corpse to go so stiff and cold so fast" before a bag was pulled around me and a zip fastened over my face.

I finally opened my eyes; I was in a body bag. The sensation of moving began and I felt a man push me down the hallways, turning corners every so often. I kept perfectly still even as he unzipped the bag and another woman, mid-thirties, helped him bring me onto a tray.

"Suicide?" she asked pulling on a latex glove.

The man shook his head "Nah, that's chief Swan's daughter. Didn't you hear? Some crackpot broke in and slaughtered them both"

The women frowned, her brow puckering in lines already there "Yeah, I think I got him earlier. Number 17820. Any leads?"

"None, no finger prints, no nothing" The man said "It's sad. Murder almost never happens in towns like this and suddenly we have a double homicide with the police chief himself and his daughter"

"Sad" the woman agreed and with one shove the tray I was one went into a large freezer in the wall.

I didn't feel the cold though. I didn't feel anything.

I waited patiently for the two forensic scientists to leave. A number ran through my head: 17820. Charlie.

Finally two sets of footprints left as well as the small murmur of conversation, both going down the hall. I pulled my feet back as far as the cramped space would allow and shoved them forwards, my strength hitting the end of the space and forcing the tray forwards out of the freezer.

In a flash I jumped up off the tray, I was wearing a plain white hospital gown that hung off my slim frame and looked slightly yellowed next my porcelain white skin. I looked across the numbered fridge trays until I reached number 17820.

Trembling fingers pulled out the tray and I looked Charlie's stiff cold body. With his eyes shut he almost looked like he was sleeping if it wasn't for the fact I couldn't hear his heart pumping. I let out a dry sob and touched his curly hair tenderly.

"I'm sorry dad" I whispered "This is all my fault. I'm so sorry" I pressed a chaste kiss on his still forehead

"I love you" I breathed out.

I could hear the quick light footsteps of the female doctor coming the stairs.

"Goodbye dad" I lightly pushed the tray back into the fridge, surrendering my fathers body. The doctor's hands closed on the door handle and when she pushed it open I ran past her in the open doorway as a blur.

She looked up briefly "Damn drafts" before going back to reading the clipboard in her hands as she closed the door behind her.

Faster than I could imagine, I sped out of the hospital and through forks until I reached a familiar house in front of a forest, the same forest that Edward left me in. I needed him more than ever at the moment.

A sharp throb was felt within me when I saw the yellow crime scene tape pulled in an 'X' across my open doorway to prevent entry. I gracefully dodged it as I made my way into the house.

It was still the same as normal, and barring the blood dried on the walls, it gave no indication of what happened here three days ago. I walked slowly to my bedroom, savouring the feeling of being in this house once again. It's unlikely I will ever be able to come here again.

I changed quickly in my room, wearing black jeans and a lacy black tank top Renee brought me. The one that was too small for me. It fit perfectly now.

I was finally able to assess me new self: I had red pouting lips that would put a geisha to shame and pale blemish free skin with lavender circles surrounding my scarlet eyes.

I thought I would have woken up with golden eyes like the Cullen's but obviously not.

My figure was hour glass shaped with a fuller perkier bust which sloped down into a very slim waistline.

My hair had darkened, still brown but almost black in colour with natural pink highlights giving it a shimmering glow. It now reached mid back and hung in loose curls. Even my finger, I noticed had lengthened to long pianists fingers with a French manicure finish.

My eyebrows were delicately arched rather than straight and my lashes were sooty black and fringed round my eyes which had changed shape. They were now more almond shape than round with a distinctive upturn at the ends to give an exotic look.

…beautiful.

Not a blinding beauty like Rosalie or a wild beauty like Victoria.

My legs had grown to supermodel proportions making me tall and willowy. I had it all in looks but the one person I wanted to share it with wasn't there.

The hole in my chest returned with a throb, silly me for thinking it would go away once I was dead. I tightened my arms around my ribcage and looked around for something to distract me with.

There! Something caught my eye with my enhanced sight, on the floor was a floorboard, a few millimetres taller than the rest. I leant down and gave it a curious tap, it was hollowed underneath and the sound waves came back with a blockage in it.

Frowning I edged my fingernails underneath the board and pulled it up. I couldn't believe what I found in the hole. Reaching in with shaking hands I pulled out three photos and a CD.

The photo's of Edward and the CD of his compositions he gave me for my eighteenth birthday.

The dreaded birthday that ruined it all.

My arms tightened even more so round my chest to the point where I couldn't breathe. Then I remembered that I didn't exactly have to.

I grabbed a bag and put in a few items holding sentimental value: the photo album with the missing pictures placed back into it, the CD, a locket from Renee, one of Charlie's fishing lures and my favourite jumper, the one Edward said he loved me in.

With one sombre glance round my empty bedroom I strode forward to my bedroom window. The height that I always panicked Edward would fall off and hurt himself seemed menial now.

With one small step I hit the ground fast and was off even faster.

I found myself at the top of the cliff where I saw Sam and his gang cliff diving. I'd begged Jake to take me. That seemed so long ago now.

I looked down at the water below. This jump didn't seem like anything either.

I gave a harsh laugh to myself, it sounded beautiful. I tried out my new voice, I sounded like singing

"Bella, Isabella Swan"

No, I couldn't go by that name anymore. I couldn't risk people knowing who Isabella Swan was.

What did that lady at the morgue call me?

Suicidal?

I looked down at the deep dark water below me. I guess I was in a way.

And soon the world would know it.

And most of all Edward, I would get him back.

I would see him again.

I swear it.

"Bella. Suicide."

My new name rolled off my tongue. I liked it.

I gave one more smile before stepping forward and taking the plunge.

Towards my destiny.

**_Fabby place to stop. I was originally going to finish it when Jacob left Bella 'alone in her agony' but I wanted this entire beginning thing in one huge chapter. I hope you like the name; it gives a hint to where I'm going with Bella's new life and personality. There are a few hints in that last bit actually. See if you can spot them! Anyways I'm out! Hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Writing Bella just flowed for me._**

**_A promise is only a comfort to a fool…_**

**_Love Queen Cocaine_**

**_XXX_**


	2. Perfecting Perfection

**_I couldn't keep away. Really, this was in my head for ages and I just needed to get it out. I've put up photos of Bella Suicide look-a-likes in my profile if you want to check those out. Please review and I hope you enjoy this chapter! _**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the song Angels, it is sung by a talented band called Within Temptation. I suggest you check them out.**

Chapter Two

_Seventeen years later, Los Angeles, 2020._

Perfection is a virtue that so little of us are gifted with.

It is not something easily given to mortals. But I am no mortal.

Perfection is staring duly back at me from a mirror. I know how very like Rosalie I sounded right then but it's true.

And who knew that perfection could be so very boring with no one to share it with. Or at least one person in particular. The hole in my chest gave a ripping throb at that one. Even after seventeen years as one of the undead, I still hurt whenever I think of him. I just try not to think so much.

I love being a vampire, I truly do, I just wish I didn't have to go it alone. But vampires are used to being alone.

Unless we're with our mate we prefer to live in solitude, the only acceptations I know to that rule are the two 'vegetarian' vampire families and the vampire royalty known as the Volturi.

I don't like to be alone though. I could have tried to find another family; I doubt that Tania's family and the Cullen's are the only vampires who have chosen to live together on a diet of animals.

But really, I can't deal with being with any family other then his. So my solitude is not wanted yet chosen…or at least till my plan is complete.

I have plans.

I've been working on these plans for almost the entirety of my existence since my rebirth. The reason I'm here in this place, staring into this mirror is because of my plans. All part of the big one.

Who knew I had such a scheming side to me? This year my plot was set in motion for the first time, elaborately planned down to the last detail. This is the very start. What I've been working towards.

My perfectly perfect reflection mirrored my small smirk and I shake my hair out and watch it fall perfectly back into place. A messy, sexy mane, designed to suit my new personnel.

A timid knock is sounded at the door, a head with a microphone headset permanently attached to his head pokes through the cracked door hesitantly.

My eyes flickered to him before he even opened the door. I can smell his trepidation for me.

No matter how many times he deals with people like me he will never get used to seeing us in the flash. I raised one perfectly sculptured eyebrow when he says nothing. He blushes, like I used to when I was human, and clears his throat nervously,

"Erm, Miss Suicide…You're on in five"

I nod silently and graciously rise from my chair. That's what I love about being a vampire, my ever permanent grace and poise.

He closes the door slowly but as soon as it shut I can hear him belt down the hallway. I let out one delicate snort, Hollywood wannabes.

He does not know Bella Suicide. No one knows me.

To them I am an illusion, a farce of flawlessness. They don't know who or what I really am. And what my reasons for being here are.

I can control their every move with a glance. I'm here because I want to; if I didn't then I would simply disappear without a trace.

Bella Suicide would never exist.

They wouldn't be able to ever find me. Not one of these people knows who I am. Not one of them knows what I look like either.

My eyes flicker to the mirror again. My burgundy eyes are covered with a slim mask made of glued black sequins that glitters temptingly in the light.

That's part of my plan as well. I couldn't care less on whether the public knows my face; there are others I need to hide from. I keep the mask on at all times in the public view.

I stepped silently out of the room and glide down the path the assistant had made before; his delectable smell still lingers strongly. My tongue flickers over my lips and my teeth consciously lengthen to a canine grin.

All part of my elaborate masquerade.

Backstage, everything is a flurry. I wander almost dreamlike through the throngs of busy people. A faceless person clips a mike onto my corseted top while another pulled the strings as tight as they can go, warping my waist to unnatural proportions.

The outfit I was wearing really was a work of art, and designers. A mixture of corsets, fishnet, lace and silk adorned my body in a twisted weave even I couldn't keep up with. My boots were black and lacy like the rest of my ensemble with a stiletto heel, very witch-like boots perfect for my character.

Make-up artists unnecessarily touched me up while stylists did the same for my hair, adding a rose here, twisting a curl there to give that just-spent-five-hours-in-a-salon look so many want.

Simultaneously they all dispensed at once as another voice rang out "Cue lights, camera and action people!"

There was immediate practised silence and I gazed idly at a screen currently showing a spinning logo of obnoxious colouring fly across the monitor.

"It's late night entertainment live with Katie O'Donnell!!" the screen zoomed in on an equally obnoxiously made up woman with Barbara Walters inspired blonde hair sitting in a well lit studio exhibiting a living room scene.

The paid audience cheered wildly and Katie O'Donnell waved a hand casually to dispense them though anyone with half a brain could see that she was loving it. Katie gave a plastic grin at the audience,

"Hi folks and welcome to the show" she waited until the cheers had died down before staring to talk a hundred miles an hour, thankfully I could keep up with her no problem.

"…and we have a very special guest here with us today. She just appeared out of nowhere, her album just going through the roof, a voice like an angel and a body which no amount of Pilates is going to make me pull off" the audience laughed.

Katie stood and gestured towards stage right with one outstretched arm "She's in the studio right now and we are getting the first interview! You all know who I'm talking about! The scene queen of rock, the saucy siren herself…let's give it up people for BELLA SUICIDE!!!" and the crowd went absolutely wild with that one.

"Cue Suicide" a voice said and I took to the stage, gliding on with perfect plastic smile in place. Some sort of bad-ass rock music was playing throughout my entrance.

I paused, looked straight into the camera and played my bad persona to the full, sticking out my tongue, showing the bar shoved through it, and pulling the one finger salute at the American race. They loved it.

Continuing to my seat I gave a short twirl before plonking myself and readying myself for the onslaught of questions about to be thrown at me.

"Bella, can I call you Bella? It's great to have you on the show and may I say you are looking gorgeous. Just look at those teeth. Damn those fangs look so realistic, just who is your dentist?"

"Now, now Katie, I can't give away all my secrets but thank you anyway. It's great to be here" I replied. Katie looked slightly taken aback at the fact that my voice sounded kind of like I was singing. I suppose it's disconcerting to most people. She took a quick breath to put herself back together before starting again

"So Bella, you appeared on the scene less than a year ago and already your first album going overly platinum. Your angelic tones have lured in countless of people from all over the world. Just how did you achieve such domination in the music industry in such a short while? No one knows anything about you, where you hailed from, what your favourite colour is, family, nothing! So my aim today in your first live interview is to get to know you and your story, find out just who is the real Bella Suicide?"

She's someone you'll never know.

But I smiled back, shocking her temporarily to silence "Just how would you describe yourself Katie? Big hair, big mouth and the biggest talk show on since Oprah? How does anyone describe who they really are? Meaningless facts about me don't tell who I am as a person. I'm Bella Suicide and that's all anyone here has to know"

Plan of attack, talk a lot yet say little.

"Mmmhmm, and where exactly did that name come from? There have been many controversies surrounding you use of the word 'suicide' as your name. A petition signed by twenty thousand concerned parents who don't want their children to get wrong ideas was sent to you yet you ignored it in a move that shocked the nation and threatened to end your career. Yet for some reason you survived and album sales increased putting you at the top of the fame food chain. You faced possible, excuse the pun, 'career suicide' over a name. If I may ask, are there personal reasons surrounding your name? Is it a reflection of bitter past experiences? A manifestation of your 'suicidal' inner self?"

I drew my fingers together "Suicide, the intentional taking of ones own life. I commit suicide by existing everyday and I choose to exist. I am suicide onto myself, suicide is me and I am it. Thus the name"

I don't think that made sense to anyone but it wasn't supposed to. That's not the point of my being here today.

Katie looked perplexed "Okaay…moving on now. Romance is in the air for a Miss Suicide"

I raised an eyebrow "Not that I'm aware of"

Katie playfully swatted at my arm resting on the armrest. I subtly moved it out of the way before she could touch me, my freezing marble skin would not do for her to feel. Katie looked slightly put out but continued with a fake brightness

"Oh don't be coy" she leant in "On our show last week we had a certain male actor come to visit, Jet Brady" my eyes flicked to the screens above the stage where a short clip of the air headed blonde actor was playing.

The Katie on the screen was doing just what Katie in real life was doing, leaning forward as if partial to a dirty secret which Jet Brady was gleefully obliged to give.

"Fame is one thing" Jet was saying "but what is it without someone to share it with?" the audience Aww-ed. Katie looked like she had found a particularly juicy titbit to sink her teeth into.

"Any lucky lady in particular?" Jet leaned back nonchalantly "We're trying to keep it privet at the moment, Bella and I"

Katie gasped "Bella?! Bella Suicide?"

Jet tapped his nose in a 'need-to-know-basis' kind of way "It's only been a few dates, a couple of kisses and soon, a night at my condo in the mountains" the audience whooped and did cat calls.

Katie turned back to me with a question on her lips, I bet her to it.

"And I wonder how exactly Mr Brady could have given me 'a couple of kisses' when I've never met the man before?"

Katie's mouth dropped open as did several of the audience members. "He lied?!" she blurted "On my show?!"

And I was ready to reveal the next step

"There's only one person on earth that I would ever consider kissing"

As expected Katie jumped through the hoop. "Could this be the same person you wrote most of your songs about?"

I smirked and tapped the side of my nose in a mockery of Jet Brady. The audience screamed and cheered. Also to be expected. Hollywood types were incredibly easy to manipulate.

"So what happened?" Katie asked eagerly in a manner reminding me of Jessica.

I feigned sadness, leaning back in my seat "High school sweethearts, he moved. We didn't keep contact; he thought that a clean break would heal me more easily" I said emphasising the 'clean break' part.

Plan set in motion. Next phase commencing.

Katie wiped at her eyes "That's so sad. And he is the reason for your success?"

I shrugged "I guess so. I've written a song about it, yet to be released called Angels"

Katie perked up visibly "Any chance of a preview?"

I tilted my head, pretending to think about it though my answer was already made up. I turned to the audience

"What do you think?" I yelled "You want to hear my new song?" they cheered wildly, whistles and stamping feet sounding throughout the studio.

I stood up straight "ALRIGHT THEN!" louder cheers

"This is dedicated to my own angel, who left me. And to him all I have to say right now is…FUCK YOU!!!" The crowd got to their feet and screamed.

"A lot of anger there" Katie remarked behind me.

I gave her a beatific smile over my shoulder "Gallons of it"

With a gesture of my head a crewman brought out a microphone stand while another passed me a guitar, black, with the initials BS in curvaceous writing on the back in real diamond studs. I learnt to play during my seventeen years of silence.

I learnt to do a lot of things.

Katie sat down, I knew the thoughts going through her head; the ratings will be shooting up. It's the least I could do for her since she did assist in my plan, albeit not intentionally.

The music I had already given to a stagehand in preparation for this. I slung the strap of the guitar over my shoulder, it resting on my back so as not to get in the way yet. The lights dimmed to a blue film as I took my place in front of the microphone. Looking directly into the camera I said

"What is up America? This is Bella Suicide singing her new song Angels, live in front of you right now on the Katie O'Donnell show!"

I dipped my head as the first strings of soft music reached my ears, taking a deep breath I started singing softly

_"Sparkling angel I believe.  
You were my savoir in my time of need.  
Blinded by faith I couldn't hear.  
All the whispers, the warnings so clear.  
I see the angels;  
I'll lead them to your door.  
There's no escape now,  
No mercy no more.  
No remorse cause I still remember"_

My head shot up with a smirk and a practised twisted took my guitar into my arms just in time for the hook, the amp pumping the sound throughout the studio. Bright lights flashed around me, making my skin glitter vaguely.

I felt Katie's eyes on my back and knew she was thinking why wardrobe never made her skin shimmer like that.

_"The smile when you tore me apart.  
You took my heart,  
deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams;  
I wished they'd turn into real.  
You broke a promise and made me realize.  
It was all just a lie."_

Everything I've felt during my time of depression when he first left me, before Charlie died was poured into this song. It was the first I've ever written and has been hidden for seventeen years until this moment.

My eyes are almost completely black from the adrenaline that pumps through me every time I sing.

_"Sparkling angel, I couldn't see  
your dark intentions, your feelings for me.  
Fallen angel, tell me why?  
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?  
I see the angels,  
I'll lead them to your door  
There's no escape now  
No mercy no more  
No remorse cause I still remember _

_The smile when you tore me apart  
You took my heart,  
Deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams;  
I wished they turn into real.  
You broke a promise and made me realize.  
It was all just a lie.  
Could have been forever.  
Now we have reached the end."_

This song is about Edward leaving me.

It's full of the anger, angst and depression I felt during that period. During the time where my mother died, Jacob left me and finally Victoria tore what's left of my life into shreds. I'm pretty sure none of that would have happened if Edward hadn't left me.

I can't blame him though, if I hadn't cut my finger on a sheet of paper then Jasper wouldn't have attacked me and the Cullen's wouldn't have had to leave.

I'm sure they would have eventually but maybe, just maybe, they would have taken me with them.

My music dwindled for a bit before the big climax in the song when I sung the hook again.

_"This world may have failed you;  
it doesn't give you a reason why.  
You could have chosen a different path in life._

_The smile when you tore me apart.  
You took my heart,  
deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams;  
I wished they turn into real.  
You broke the promise and made me realize.  
It was all just a lie.  
Could have been forever.  
Now we have reached the end"_

I bowed my head once again as the final chords played into the silent studio. I murmured into the microphone "Thank you" The crowd exploded. And I'm pretty sure most watching this did too.

only hope that it wasn't in vain. The people who needed to see it did. Because if they did then stage one is compete and unless I'm mistaken, stage two is waiting for me in my dressing room. Katie stands up to clap for me

"Bella Suicide everyone!"

I give a queen-like wave of my wrist and a wryly smile before turning my guitar back onto my back and walking off stage.

"Good to have you Bella!" Katie calls behind me. Without an indication of me hearing her I strode down the hallways, impatiently brushing off the studio staff that was following me.

I needed to get to my room, fast. I strode down the hall to my room. With one final flick away of the glue-like producers I entered my room, slamming the door and locking it behind me.

I turned to look at the five occupants already seated in my room. My eyes passed over a two men and a short hair girl with a androgynous face, my look lingered on a tall brunette with strange purple eyes originating from blue contacts over red eyes and finally my eyes rested on the man in the centre of them all.

Pitch black hair with soft-looking papery skin I knew to be as hard as granite, he stood regally in the centre of the room with his arms outstretched to me in a show of friendship.

"Good evening Miss Suicide"

I smirked, here's phase two: All vampires, all Italian, all Volturi.

* * *

Somewhere in London, England

A girl sat motionless before a leather couch except for her fingers continuously flicking through channels on the large television before her. The strikingly beautiful blonde lying on the couch behind her, flicking through a fashion magazine, looked up in irritation.

"For God's sake Alice, choose a channel and stick to it!"

Alice looked over "Shut up Rosalie"

Rosalie rolled her eyes and snatched the remote from her pixie sized sister and choosing a random channel. Alice stuck out her tongue but watched the screen anyway. A bright logo flashed across the screen

"It's late night entertainment live with Katie O'Donnell!!"

Alice snorted "I didn't know we got American shows here" Rosalie shrugged.

"…give it up people for BELLA SUICIDE!!!" a woman with a blonde coiffeur beamed gesturing to an approaching figure.

Rosalie looked up "Who's Bella Suicide?"

"Some rock star chick everyone's crazy about these days" Emmett answered from upstairs.

Alice tilted her head as a beautiful girl with dark hair and pink streaks, dressed in a flamboyant outfit appeared on stage. A close up of her face and she looked straight into the camera, pulling the finger and showing her tongue piercing.

"Hey Rose, take a look at this" Alice said frowning.

Rosalie put down the magazine "What?" she asked flatly.

"She looks like one of us" Alice replied.

Rosalie rolled her eyes in reply "It's probably make-up"

"She has fangs"

"A really good dentist then. Every goth rock star has fangs these days, it's nothing Alice"

"Red eyes too" Alice ignored her sister "And her skin glitters faintly in the lighting. It's not enough to be really obvious, only if you know what you're looking for. She's a vampire Rosalie"

At this Rosalie looked at the screen, properly this time. "Hey guys, come have a look at this" she said in voice no louder than what you'd use in a conversation, knowing that they would hear her.

Jasper and Emmett appeared beside the couch, Esme and Carlisle had taken Edward on a hunting trip. Following Rosalie's comment they watched the screen motionlessly, right through the interview and the song, until Bella Suicide strode offstage without a word.

"Did you see her eyes turn black at the end?" Alice immediately spoke as soon as it finished "That's really dangerous. She could lose control and expose us"

"The question here is: what is a vampire doing as a rock star?" Jasper wondered out loud, wrapping his arms around his wife.

Emmett frowned "Hey, she looks kind of familiar"

"Yeah" Alice replied, she hit rewind on the remote and the television rewound until she hit a close up of the singer's face. "I know her from somewhere but i can't grasp it"

"Well, only one way to find out" Emmett said jovially scooping up a protesting Rosalie into his arms "I was getting bored here with mom, dad and Ed's out hunting anyway"

Jasper raised an eyebrow "You're suggesting…"

Emmett nodded "Let's go find Bella Suicide"

**_Wow, like two cliff hangers in there. I hope you liked the song. Personally I think it really fits with New Moon. Bella has plans. Very very elaborate plans. Time to set these plans in motion. Rock on Bella Suicide!_**

**_The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple…_**

**_Love Queen Cocaine_**

**_XXX_**


	3. Have Faith in My Abilities

_**Hi. Sorry to leave you there but I've just gotten back from Wellington and only now got a chance to update. I also had to update my other fics of which I'm currently balancing four, three of which are newish. I didn't really like the bit at the end with the Cullen's so I went back and edited it a bit with very subtle changes. You don't really have to read it but whatever. Here's chapter three, enjoy! **_

Chapter Three

"Good evening Miss Suicide"

The frail looking skin, the pitch black tresses. It couldn't have been Marcus with his snow white hair. That only left the other two, both almost identical with untouched raven locks despite their age. And judging by the welcome smile and deceptive friendly aura around the vampire I could easily guess which one I was dealing with.

"Lord Aro of the Volturi. What a pleasant…surprise" I smiled cordially and extended a hand "Bella Suicide. Though I can see you already know that"

He laughed, a sound as light as his feathery voice, and took my hand kissing it gently. An expression flickered across the face of the purple eyed brunette.

Annoyance? Whatever it was it was gone in less than a split-second and I was certain that no one but me saw it. And I wouldn't have even see it if I hadn't been looking at that exact moment.

She looked to be about twenty-five with luscious chestnut hair and a model's pout on her perfectly shaped lips. Her name came to me; Heidi.

I turned my attention back to Aro in time for his to straighten back up, a perplexed look on his face. I knew exactly what was confusing him, his gift of seeing every though an individual has ever had with a single touch was blind to me.

All powers are blind to me.

My lips quivered treacherously but I allowed no smirk to surface when I politely asked "Any particular reason for your visit? I take it this is not a social call"

The frown vanished into his eyes to watch me warily but his expression calmed. He gestured for me to sit down in my dressing table chair and I accepted without reminding him that this was actually my room and I should be the one offering seats.

I lay my hands softly in he lap and turned my full attention to Aro, pretending to be ignorant of the other vampires closing in subtly to form a circle around me – With no way out.

"Miss Suicide," Aro started.

"Bella, please Lord Volturi" I interrupted with a smile.

Aro returned it "Then you must call me Aro. The title makes me feel old" I inwardly snorted; this was from a man five millennia and still going strong.

As an afterthought he added with a brushing hand to his companions "Dimitri, Fabian, Jane and Heidi"

A 'look' was given to the last person. I recognised that 'look' as the look _he_ used to give me. It all became clearer now. I next assessed the companions themselves.

The two men were first, both of them with sickly pale olive skin and thick black hair. Dimitri the tracker, no vampire or mortal was hidden. However I allowed him to find me, just this once.

Fabian created impenetrable force fields to keep out both enemy and, as an added bonus, eavesdroppers.

The child-like girl with the androgynous face was Jane the bringer of pain – for lack of a better word. Her sick little smile would bring anyone to their knees and now everyone was in revered awe around her. I couldn't wait for her expression when she used it on me.

Heidi, she was both the fisherman and the bait. Suggestive thought coupled with immense beauty goes along way in bring your food to you. This analysis took less than a second and my attention was back on Aro.

"Miss – Bella, perhaps it would be prudent if we warded the rooms before this particular conversation. Fabian?" The man raised his hands but I stopped him.

"Please, allow me" I said with a beatific smile. This would be the opportune time for me to unveil my own power.

I closed my eyes and looked within myself and selected a small tendril of my consciousness out of the spring locked deep in my mind. I mentally threw this small glowing string only I could see towards Fabian and hooked onto a small piece of the essence of his gift.

It retreated into me and the tendril went back into my inner well while the essence went into, I suppose I could call it a 'box' in the back of my mind ready for my beck and call.

His power was now mine for whenever I wished to use it. It would be nearly as good as the original but not as long lasting. Quite energy consuming in fact.

I opened my eyes again and threw up my hands in a mimic of Fabian's earlier movement. A pale white net cast out of my hands and covered the walls. No one would be able to hear us now. The Volturi stared at me and a calculating look appeared on Aro's face.

"Power manipulation" he said finally "This would be the reason why I could not get into your mind before"

The Volturi minus Heidi gave Aro a sharp look at this, Heidi would have already known through the bond. I nodded, pleased with him getting it quickly. It would save me an explanation.

Aro was still musing "This would of course be invaluable to my guards" I knew he'd make the offer but it's not in my plans to become one of the Volturi. Ally with them but not to actually join.

"Aro, your visit?" I prompted, knocking him out of his thoughts. "Ah yes, well _Bella_ your fame has blatantly flaunted your status as a vampire to the world. This as you may imagine is a concern to the Volturi, us priding ourselves on being the 'polizia' as you say to vampires. We feel that your celebrity could reveal us to the mortals. That is not acceptable"

"Aro, I understand your apprehension completely but let me assure you, I have no intention of revealing myself to humans"

"You already have" Fabian pointed out "You're fangs are trademarked to Bella Suicide as is your unusual eye colour. Red is not natural for these mortals"

I shrugged "Humans think that they are props. To them the teeth are false and the eyes are contacts. Bella Suicide is an enigma behind a mask but no one doubts that she is mortal except for those who already know what we are. I know the risks and have taken precautions"

"If those fail?" Aro challenged.

I smiled; my fangs glinted in the lighting around my mirror "They won't"

"How can you be sure?" This was Heidi now, curiosity lacing her soft accent.

I tilted my head nonchalantly "This thing has been seventeen years in the making. Any possible exposure situations have been carefully analysed, twisted and refined until I have a way out for every possible angle. I'm sure"

I've spent one whole year working out the kinks, and without sleep that's twenty-four hours of planning excluding time set aside for feeding. That's thousands of hours of working just on exposure risks and ways around them. With all that behind me, I'm more than sure that I'm ready.

But they don't know that. They'll just have to take my word for it, if they can trust my word.

Or if they should.

That however remains to be foreseen.

"And if you loose control? I noticed your change in eye colour during your performance. Beautiful singing by the way" Aro complimented.

I nodded "Thank you. But you have no need of worry, my control is perfect. I've never fed from a human before"

"And yet your eyes tell a different story" Aro scrutinized my scarlet irises with his own. I met his gaze squarely

"I don't feed from humans, that's true. But that is not to say I don't drink their blood"

"Explain" came the short reply. I smirked and got up, gliding over to a box, specially built to my exact requirements, in the corner.

I tapped in a long number sequence into a keypad on the top and it opened with a hiss. Inside, layered comfortably inside the space were clear plastic bags full of thick red liquid. I picked one up, feeling the staring gaze of the Volturi on my back as I did so.

"I have no need to feed on humans, or animal for that matter because I have my own supply of blood for whenever I need it. The black in my irises before was from the adrenaline rushing in the climax of my music. It would be chalked down to being lighting or another technical matter if people noticed it at all"

"Where did you get it?" Heidi sounded curious again.

"I robbed a blood bank" I said, amusement colouring my tone.

"You drink it cold?" Demitri asked, his tone hinting a mix of curiosity and disgust.

I shook my head "No, the container is specially constructed to my precise instructions. It is opened by a constantly changing password, too long for any mortal to remember or type in without my realising they're there. It is kept to an exact temperature of thirty-seven degrees Celsius to mimic the body's heat. It is also labelled to the donor's details for taste. The system is impeccable"

"It's unnatural is what it is" Fabian snapped "Vampires are made to hunt and drink from humans, not plastic bags"

I smiled sweetly "And how many times have you slipped up and succumbed to you hunting instincts? Vampires loose themselves to their primitive nature when hunting and this makes for mistakes when they're not. I've never attacked a human and I have more control than, than…" I swallowed "Than Carlisle Cullen. This system allows me blood whenever I need it without having to kill a human. In fact, I needn't kill at all. And an advantage even to the 'vegetarian' type vampires is that I need not kill animals either"

Aro nodded thoughtfully "It is an interesting theory to be sure but I am certain I would not survive on it. Five thousand years eating habits cannot change easily"

"I would not dream of imposing my personal choice on you Aro. I am merely demonstrating one of my alternative control methods to ease your mind. I'm am not sure if the system works on all vampires as I never really had a taste for blood, neither in my previous life or existence now"

I have been thinking of testing my hypothesis on another vampire that had been drinking blood before that but now is not the time for this. Perhaps after my plan's success I could experiment. Aro was inspecting me again and I mentally prepared me for his expected offer.

"Such a thought out idea" he started "You cunning and intelligence intrigues me. Every one of my objections you have already thought of. In fact, if I did not know better I'd say you were expecting us"

You have no idea. I've been expecting you to come on this precise day for years.

"Have you ever considered the possibility of putting that intellect to use in another area? We could use you in our guard in the Volturi, the singing is a nice way to make money but it is hardly challenging"

"Thank you for your kind offer Lord Aro, but the singing offers another type of use for me. Joining the Volturi is not my intention" I said carefully but firmly. Aro's eyes got a dangerous glint and the Volturi shifted stance and Jane moved to Aro's side.

"Perhaps you better review that Miss Suicide. You skills at power manipulation will be a valued asset and you are hardly in a position to argue"

Au contraire Lord Aro. I'm in exactly the position I want to be. I shook my head with a slight smile

"No, the Volturi will have to do without my skills. They've managed for the last five thousand years have they not?"

Aro sighed "I've never met another with such a fascinating power as yours. Using other's gifts as your own. And unfortunately I'm not inclined to give up this prize so easily" He reached out and caressed Jane's face, Heidi's face turned to stone.

"Jane dearest, will you please give an example of what Miss Suicide will endure if she does not comply with my wishes?"

Jane gave a little giggle and smiled sweetly at me. Nothing happened. Her brow furrowed and I gave a mocking sugary smile back at her. She scowled with a nod from Aro leapt at me.

I flicked a hand and she hit the white web that sprang around me; Fabians force field. She hissed in fury and prepared to attack again but Aro held up a hand as I started to speak.

"Lord Aro, your torture will not work on me nor will attacking me. Unless I wish for it, gifts do not affect me. My answer for the Volturi is unchangeable but not final. I will be happy to work _with_ the Volturi but not _for_. None of your powers will work on me but then will work for me to use on yourselves. As you know from experience Fabians shields are impenetrable even to you even if you use the entire of the Volturi. And if you do I will then just have more powers to choose from to attack you while you will not be able to use anything. I understand your motivation to have me also stems from a desire for me to be under the supervision of the Volturi but rest assured I will not be exposed and I will not join the Volturi" Aro watched me, weighing up his options. I continued, best get him while he's still considering and before the shield runs out. I could already feel my reserves start to drain

"Like I said before, I will give my assistance to the Volturi if needed. If I have a spare moment I shall allow you to experiment with my power to quench your curiosity. But I have my own intentions and objectives to pursue" He was still considering. I released the force-field in a show of trust

"And if needed you can assign a 'chaperone' until you are convinced of my intentions and control" He nodded and looked around. His eyes set on Demitri and I cut in

"Preferably female, my celebrity guarantees paparazzi and I'd rather not have a conspiracy on my love life" His eyes turned to Jane. This would not do, I reached into my pool of consciousness again and selected another thread which hooked into a piece of Heidi's gift. Once absorbed I used my new suggestive thought to implant into Aro's head.

_Not Jane,_ I thought at him _the anger at her power not working will impede upon her judgement and give her a negative approach, Send Heidi, she will be a less biased judge, you trust her opinion, _

His gaze switched to Heidi. I could, however, feel his reluctance at sending her so far away and for an undetermined period of time. He looked back at Jane. I inwardly sighed and tentatively sent a thought to Heidi; I didn't know if she would be receptive to thoughts that were not her own considering this was her power.

_Volunteer, The girl intrigues you, she has plans, she would be interesting to be around, Aro wants you to do this for him, he trusts your judgement, volunteer, _Her brow furrowed and she looked straight at me. I was filled with apprehension and if I was still human my heart would be beating a steady hole through my chest.

"I'll do it" she said suddenly. I was filled with relief. Aro looked at her with doubt. I knew he wouldn't like her being so far away from him but he trusted her judgement much more than the others.

"Are you sure?" he asked, an expression in his tone that wasn't used with anyone else including Jane. Heidi nodded and touched Aro's arm. I realised she was letting him know her thoughts.

He appraised her and she smiled, a private meaning passing between them. I was hit suddenly with the memory of secret meanings passed between myself and Edward. I felt a twinge in my chest at the sight and wished for Aro to leave already. I desperately sent a thought to him and he straightened

"Fine" he said "You will check in regularly and return home when a definite analysis has been reached" he gestured to the rest of the Volturi and turned to me.

"Thank you for your hospitality Bella, this visit has been very…instructive but I believe it is time for us to take out leave back to Italy" The Volturi nodded and I released the force-field around the room. Without another word the Volturi, minus Aro, vanished. Aro turned back to Heidi.

"You will be careful" he ordered softly.

She smiled "I'll be fine. I'm shadowing a vampire singer, there is no danger involved with this"

If only she knew.

Aro looked slightly appeased "Until next time" he said catching her lips with his own in a brief kiss. The contact ended shortly and he vanished but it still set a sharp pain in my insides.

It was slightly weird to see such an old looking man kiss someone in their mid-twenties but I guess the love between mates does not care for the boundary of age. Edward was a centaury older than me. But I guess it turned out that he didn't really consider a mortal as a mate possibility.

I was going to change that.

Heidi turned to me, the room around us silent. Her purple eyes gleamed and we stared each other down. I decided to break the ice first.

"Bella Suicide" I offered my hand. She stared at it then shook it

"Heidi, of the Volturi" she replied. The awkwardness was killing me; I needed to forge a bond with her.

"You need proof of my control around humans" I started, she looked at me wordlessly.

"I have access to the V.I.P section of every club in this city. What better place to test control than an area teeming with mortals excreting the stench of sweat and sex, blood pounding and hearts racing?"

She tilted her head in deliberation. I decided to appeal to her more Rosalie side. I know she wasn't like Rosalie, she was smarter and stronger but I still bet she had some of Rose's qualities and I was banking on this one.

"I also have a walk in wardrobe with four levels and a team of personal designers" She mirrored my smirk and I knew she was sold.

_Somewhere in the streets of Bristol _

"And how do we know where Bella Suicide is?" Rosalie asked as they walked through the streets of London.

"Because" Alice said leading them into a building "I read in some magazine that she keeps a penthouse apartment in Bristol" They'd walked into a flash apartment complex and Alice led them up to the main desk. The woman at the desk looked up as they approached.

"Hi" Alice said brightly. Rosalie rolled her eyes and Emmett sniggered.

"Welcome to the Belgravia complex. Do you have an invitation from one of the residents?" the woman asked politely.

Alice shook her head "Not exactly"

The woman frowned "Sorry, this is a private complex and without a personal invitation from one of the residents I can't grant you entry. Please leave the premises or security will escort your out"

"Didn't really think this out did you?" Rosalie said, too fast for the woman to hear. Alice scowled at her sister; Jasper sent over a wave of calm.

"Look, we need to speak to Bella Suicide-"

"You and the rest of Britain" the woman interrupted "But unless you've got an invitation you're not going to"

"Let's just go" Jasper said and added almost silently "We can just break into her apartment or run past the woman"

Alice shook her head "No, can you just put my name down or something? It's Alice Cullen"

The woman looked up sharply at that "What was the name again?"

"Alice Cullen" Alice repeated "Why? Do we have an invitation or something?" she asked slightly confused.

No one knew they were coming. Not even the rest of her family knew. The woman reached for an item under her desk

"As it so happens Miss Suicide is not currently in residence but she did leave this at reception for anyone with the last name Cullen or Hale" Alice took the small item in surprise. She held up the item to her husband and siblings, it was a small shiny pocket mirror.

"Vanity Fair" she read off the back. "Do any of you have any idea what that means?"

"It's a nightclub" the receptionist commented behind them "Really popular"

Jasper took it off his wife and examined it "There's an address" he said.

Emmett shrugged "Looks like we weren't unexpected after all"

_**And the plot thickens with an introductory to new character: Heidi. Yeah, I liked her better than Jane and I dunno, I guess when Carlisle said that the Volturi started off with three males who were joined by two females I thought that at least one of them should have been mates. And I love Aro so I chose him and Heidi. If you don't like it deal with it. Aro's kind of touchy feely so I thought that Heidi might get jealous and annoyed. Bella's power, I personally think it's something to do with power manipulation since she's not affected by certain powers as a human and would carry that trait to her vampire self. In New Moon it said when Bella saw the people the Volturi were about to eat that 'the story they'd been told to get them there didn't make sense anymore' I thought of Heidi as having suggestive thought. Like implanting thoughts in the mind to make it seem like you'd thought of it. That's basically my reasoning behind it, just so you know. **_

_**Putting feathers on a cow will not make it taste like chicken…**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	4. My Vanity Fair

**Disclaimer: I don't own the poem 'Colour Me Blood Red' . It is absolutely beautiful though!**

Chapter Four

Alice looked at herself on the Vanity Fair mirror for what seemed like the hundredth time in fourteen seconds.

"Careful there Alice, you might turn into Rosie if you look often enough" Emmett teased. He winced when his wife smacked him hard on the shoulder. Despite her size, Rosalie could hit pretty hard when she wanted to.

The fairy-like features disappeared from the reflective surface to be replaced by a pouting goddess as Rosalie took the mirrored business card to check her already perfect make-up – despite her objection to Emmett's comment.

"I didn't see this coming" Alice repeated to herself again "Jasper, why didn't I see this?"

Jasper looked up from staring at the ground in contemplation and touched Alice gently on the shoulder. "It's not you, there's something weird about Bella Suicide. Like how did she know that we would be coming?"

"Maybe she has the sight as well and cancels your sight out?" Emmett suggested.

"That was surprisingly unstupid coming from you" Alice smiled. Emmett swelled proudly then frowned in deliberation.

"She was insulting you" Rosalie told him, not taking her eyes from her reflection. Emmett growled at Alice and Jasper snarled in response.

Alice rolled her eyes at the two of them and then stole the mirror back despite Rose's complaints. "Vanity Fair, what kind of name is that?"

"Sounds an awful lot like Rosalie" Jasper commented idly. He clutched his arm in pain – Rose hit a lot harder if you weren't Emmett.

"Rosalie, stop hitting Jasper" Alice reproved "I'll have to give you a 'duffing up' – Isn't English slang fun?" She added cheerfully. Emmett and Jasper sniggered behind their hands at the thought of tiny Alice beating up anyone.

"Whatever" Rosalie stated boredly, examining one nail.

"We're here" Alice said suddenly. Two minutes later they heard the sounds of the club thumping gradually through their eardrums.

"Isn't this exciting?" Alice wanted to know "I haven't been to this club before. In fact, I haven't really gone out since B-…you know"

There was a terse silence.

"Just be glad that Edward isn't here" Rosalie snapped finally "Nobody's allowed to mention the B-word around him or he gets all dejected"

"Well what if you had to leave Emmett?" Alice demanded.

"I wouldn't" Rosalie replied simply. Emmett stopped and wrapped his wife up in a huge bear hug.

"Those boys can see up Rose's skirt" Jasper said looking at a passing group of teenagers "I can feel it" he gave a small shudder at the emotions passing through the guys bodies. Emmett dropped Rose immediately and growled at the offenders, they moved away quickly.

"Well pretty much anybody can see, as short as her skirt is" Alice remarked "It's more of a belt as anything"

"Alice, that saying is so twenty years ago" Rosalie said boredly before squeaking as Emmett gave a firm tug downwards on Rosalie's flashy silver miniskirt in an attempt at making it longer. Instead it almost dislodged it completely and managed to show a large quantity of lacy black thong.

Jasper blanched at the emotions he got from the males in the crowd lining up outside the club, even some females were looking appreciative.

Alice giggled behind her hand and stopped still again, looking into something only she could see. "We're supposed to go up to the bouncer" she informed them.

"Excellent" Emmett said, momentarily forgetting Rosalie's show of underwear, and knocked fists with Jasper. The blonde rolled her eyes and adjusting her skirt she strutted along up the line of people, ignoring their objections.

"Oh look, the blonde bitch thinks she's too good to stand in the line with the rest of us" a particularly loud girl commented as Rosalie walked arrogantly pass.

Rose paused and looked straight at her "Of course I think I'm better than you. The only possible thing I can think of that would be below you is a large pile of diseased shit…but then I look at your face and well…" She left the comment hanging, flicked her hair and continued, ignoring the girl's look of outrage. Alice laughed silently and glided behind her with Emmett and Jasper.

The bouncer, a large brawny man, eyes them as they walked up. Especially Emmett who's bulk rivalled his own. The quadrant weren't particularly intimidated; sure he was strong looking in mortal terms but any one of them could beat him in two seconds flat with both hands tied behind their backs.

"Back of the line. We don't do cuts here, no matter how 'famous' you _think_ you are" He gave a leering stare up Rosalie's body but his gaze transferred to Emmett's furious expression and he rethought his priority. "So, what I'm basically saying is that you're not getting in"

Rosalie looked bored "I hate mortals" she said under her breath, Emmett still looked pissed, Jasper also looked angry as he was hit by his brother's emotion. Alice sighed and adjusted her fedora hat, stepping forwards.

"Hi, my name's Alice Cullen" she mimicked her speech in her vision perfectly "I believe you were expecting us"

The bouncer frowned at her but stepped aside "VIP room's up the stairs" he grunted unhappily and resumed his position in front of the door once they passed.

Nearly one hundred Cullen's appeared into the club. The entire place was filled with mirrors placed strategically, on the wall, the floor, the ceiling, everywhere to create the illusion of there being millions of people inside.

Half the dancers were wearing some sort of mirrored outfits themselves which the coloured lights ahead flashed off and made a rainbow of colours sparkling around the dance floor.

Acrobatic dancers tumbled around the ceiling from the thick silver drapes hanging; they twisted themselves into complicated shapes, spun and flew through the air at each other with fingers barely holding them from their deaths.

Alice gasped in happiness, Emmett grinned, Jasper beamed from the positive emotions flung around and even Rosalie managed a smile. Vanity Fair was…dazzling.

Alice pulled them through the crowd of dancers; each had fed well before coming so the thirst wasn't as compelling, and up a glowing staircase that spiraled up into the top of the club.

They repeated their names once again and were immediately let into the VIP room, a circular fenced in platform that hung from chains above the club. They could look over the entire of Vanity Fair from here, including a top view of the stage just below.

Only a few people were up here, most congregating around the bar. That made the single woman stand out even more than her strange white skin. She was draped over a throne-like chair and her gaze transferred to the four immediately as they entered.

Alice knew her as soon as they locked eyes. Jasper frowned at the arrogant amusement coming from here, Rosalie raised one perfect eyebrow and Emmett summed it up in one exclamation "Well shit fire and save matches, I'd damn well know her in a line-up"

They surrounded the woman in a circle, much like the Volturi did earlier. The woman smirked at them, her distinctive purple eyes gleaming.

"Heidi" Alice said "What are you doing here?"

Heidi swirled her suspiciously red martini around in her glass before answering "Enjoying the clubbing scene"

"To steal a term from my husband; Bullshit!" Rosalie snapped.

Emmett nodded proudly "That's my girl"

Heidi laughed coldly "Such class Rosalie, but you do not need to spare such expressions on myself"

Jasper spoke up "Where is Bella Suicide. There's a reason for you being here and I know you know where she is, I can sense your glee from here"

"Ah Jasper, such a gift would be much appreciated by my Aro"

"Don't change the subject" Alice warned "Tell us where she is"

A bubble of laugher erupted in Heidi's throat "She's where everyone can see her. Look with our ears as opposed to your eyes if you are so obviously blind" she mocked pointed downwards.

"What-" Emmett stared to ask but his attention was caught by the stage musicians staring a new song, a harsh beat that drowned out all other sounds and even the dancers halted and looked towards the stage. They moved to the edge of the platform for a better look and Heidi joined them, sipping her cocktail and smirking.

The stage was complete darkness, the strange music echoing from within it. A smashing drum beat and screeching electric guitar, tinkering bells and soothing violins, a clap of thunderous bass made most of the mortals jump and a steady melody started from a piano somewhere.

The piano tune struck a chord within Alice but she couldn't quite remember why it seemed so familiar.

The lights started playing up, flickering to show glimpses of the musicians positioned around a lone microphone stand. The flickering became more often, flashing like lightning while the eerie music still rumbled from the stage.

Rose petals, blood red started drifting down from above, the mirrors echoing the image to expand around in every direction. Still no one made a sound. The flickering lights around the performers on stage became faster as did their music, turning into a torrid flood of blurred sounds.

Then they stopped. Dead, cold, the last notes still shaking in the air and the stage was black once more. No one moved, the club so full of life before became still and the vibrant dancers looked like statues. A voice, starting low and clear drifted over the crowd

"_The moon sets its blade upon my head  
Lighting the depths of my empty soul  
I am not alive, neither am I dead  
Inside my mind's castle hollow bells toll…"_

The Cullen's were enthralled and Heidi raised one eyebrow as the voice shifted into a chilling hiss that sent shivers down spines.

"_But when the wind blows its howling horn  
among the void you will be reborn"_

A screech of cackling laughter and the stage lit up in a bright white light, the humans below shielded their eyes. Once the spots in their eyes disappeared, everyone could see the figure in front of the microphone. One hand was wrapped firmly around the stand while the other caressed the microphone almost with a loving movement.

She was dressed in and outfit made of some sort of light refracting black material that clung in spider-web pieces around her otherwise nude body.

It somehow, however, managed to cover up the most sinful areas leaving the after effect as one of sultry poise and taunting anonymity as opposed to brazenness.

Shockingly scarlet platforms with a stiletto heel elevated her height greatly. Her hair was wild, a disarray of pink and black with a diamond tiara shining against the dark. The final trait was the black veil; it fell gently from the tiara to her nose, effectively masking her in a shadow.

The image was burned into every single one of their minds, a lady of darkness.

Admit the whisper's that broke out in the club crowd a single name was uttered, louder and louder until it became a cheer, a roar and a chant…

Bella Suicide. ­­­­­­

_Before…_

I explained my plan carefully and specifically to Heidi. Only the parts I wanted her to know, there were some I'd rather she didn't.

After I finished she sat and stared at me for an age before breaking down in laughter. "You are not serious about this are you?"

I raised an eyebrow "Dead serious, excuse the pun"

"But this is all so…precise. Surely there is an easier way?"

"Perhaps. But this is the way I've chosen. Another way could have mistakes, people changing, peoples reactions. My way and I have every single thing worked out; I've studied people, places, everything you could think of. This may not be the easiest way or the way that makes the most sense but it is ideal to me and it is the one I have chosen"

She gave another snort of laughter "One thing my Aro was right about; you have cunning and intelligence, a most unpredictable combination. And you put it to such strange use, why?" She asked curiously.

I replied cryptically "The force that drives me is the most extraordinary ever. You understand this?"

"Yes" There was a yearning beneath her voice.

"Why do you put up with Aro's behaviour?" It was mine turn to question.

She looked at me sharply and I tensed slightly, it wasn't a good idea to question any vampire about her mate but I wanted her to open up to me. I knew the answer to my own question, I just needed a show of trust before we moved on.

She opened her mouth slowly; contemplating her words "I…" she thought again "I do not really know, I've grown used to it"

Liar, you'd never grow used to your mate flirting and touching every female in his vicinity. Especially if you were a vampire.

"That's an interesting answer, now the truth if you please"

She looked startled, she was a good liar, every vampire was, but I'd grown immune to lies. I wanted a demonstration of faith and I needed to get her to answer a personal question to do it.

To vampires, anything about their relationship with their mate is personal. A line that one did not cross, but I crossed it willingly. I would not blame her if she attacked me but I hoped she wouldn't.

This was as much a test for her as it was for me. She started to rethink her answer and I held up a hand "Don't think about it. Just say it"

"Love. That is the reason, I put up with him and his women. It burns me every time he caresses Jane instead of me but I know he will always come back to me. He does love me" She said that a little defensively as if I wouldn't believe her.

"I wouldn't doubt it" I said to ease her mind a little "I can see when two people are bonded"

"I did object, once upon a time, when I was a young, insecure and incompetent vampire. When we first met I said it was me or the woman and he said that I could learn to live with it or I couldn't. I could not, would not loose him"

He used a threat when she was young which was carried with her where it fermented and grew into a great fear that if she objected he would leave her. Aro of the Volturi is incredibly skilled at manipulation, even his own mate.

This of course could be fun to break his hold, Heidi would be much better off and it would be revenge for him threatening me. My mind had been made up long before this; this was one of the many possibilities that arose when I chose that particular question about her mate to break her guarded shell against me.

It was time to tell Heidi the truth about her mate.

"Heidi," I began "Dear one, can you not see? He deceived you into believing that if you did not allow him free reign of your connection to each other he would leave. He neglected to tell that it is near impossible to leave ones mate. He would be no more able to do it then you would. He used your shared terror against you though it is the same for him. True he loves you; he would not survive without you. Try using his threat against him; it is time for you to call the shots"

Heidi appraised me; this was the tricky part; if she decided to take another vampire's advice on matters of her own mate especially since I basically called him a liar or if she did as any other vampire would do; kill me.

Heidi was patient tempered, much more than the average vampire. She'd had years of practise to repress her emotions and think before she acted, this was one of the reasons I chose her.

"Bella may I ask you a question?" she changed the subject finally. I nearly smile in pleasure, she would be thinking about it. She could withhold the natural instinct to rip me to shreds.

Good girl.

This was a dangerous game I was playing with her, and not just her. Playing my music on people's emotions was a bomb ready to explode, one wrong step and it would all blow up in my face.

"You may" I responded to Heidi's request.

"Why did you want me here?" she asked bluntly.

I tilted my head playfully "Aro chose you to come" I replied.

"Do not take me for a fool. I know your power and I know mine, 'The girl intrigues you, she would be interesting to be around' these are not thoughts of my own. You implanted them to get me. You also did it for Aro; he would never want me to be so far away in any other case. You planned to get me here, why?"

Clever girl. This was turning out to be a fine investment, she was quick.

"True I used your power to implant thoughts. The reason? I wanted you, 'The girl intrigues you, she would be interesting to be around', these are not your thoughts. They are mine; you interested me far more than any of the others. You were the most logical choice after all, like I said; my reputation means that there would be conspiracies if I appeared with either Fabian or Dimitri, I can't have that dues to the plan as you know. Jane and I would never get on; her judgement would be impeded by her anger at her power not working against me and then my slighting her by putting up a force field when she attacked me. I obviously could not have Aro so that left you"

"That is not true. Your reasoning is rational but it does not explain why you recommended the idea of a companion in the first place. You brought the idea up and I have no doubt in my mind that it was for your 'plan'"

She was getting smarter by the minute. I would not underestimate her as so many before must have done. Their downfall paved way for my success. I decided to be as honest as I could, which wasn't that much.

"Heidi, frankly, I needed a companion. I chose you. This plan of mine can not be pulled off by myself"

"Why did you choose me?" Her eyes were very curious.

"You intrigue me" I said simply.

She asked no more questions.

We continued to Vanity Fair. I absolutely love that club. It has a mixture of brightness and mystery with a whole heap of arrogance.

You could see the same person fifteen times at once. It reminded me of the house of mirrors Charlie took me to once when I was a child. I can see from all angles, I feel safe being surrounded but alone at the same time.

Plus the whole thing about vampires not having reflections makes me laugh. I steered Heidi past the long line to get in.

Someone yelled out "Hey! No cutting!"

Another whispered "Shut up, do you know who that is?"

Then there were excited whispers, cheers and they were all yelling to get my attention. A barrage of hands reached out to touch me; I gracefully dodged them all and approached the bouncer who immediately stepped aside upon seeing who I was.

"Miss Suicide, the VIP room is up the stairs. They'll let you in right away" he said cordially.

"Thank you" I replied just as polite. Heidi walked in, I paused and whispered instructions in the bouncer's ear

"I'll see it done mam" he nodded. I smile; he looked as dazzled as I once was,

"Thank you"

"A-anytime" he stuttered as I entered the club after Heidi.

Heidi raised an eyebrow at the overall extravagance of the place "I like it" she said after a long pause in which she took everything in.

"I knew you would" I commented offhandedly and lead the way through a less crowded part, dodging contact with all the humans.

I ordered two martini's at the bar and tossed the contents over the side, refilling them with a sample of blood. This was a perfect time to test out the effects of blood drunk not from a human on someone who did hunt mortals. Heidi was a perfect candidate.

She stared at me when I passed her the blood cocktail. "What is this supposed to be?" she wondered taking it and holding the glass to the light.

"Blood, you can't hunt here. And I want to see how you react" She shrugged and sipped, sloshing it round her mouth like you would a glass of vintage wine. Finally she swallowed "It is…strange to say the least. But not bad" she took another sip.

I smiled satisfied and drained my own glass. I explained to Heidi what exactly she was to do when the Cullen's arrived.

Heidi laughed "You are too funny. But I will comply. After all, I am your 'accomplice' in this scheme"

I smirked and let loose a chiming laugh that immediately caught the attention of the club owner.

"Bella Suicide" he guffawed loudly "Imagine my luck to have you in my club"

Luck has nothing to do with it. I'm in your club because I want to be.

But I smiled charmingly "Bob, how are you?"

I'm on first name terms with the owner of Vanity Fair. I've seen him before; he's never seen me in person however. Each time I've been here it's not been as Bella Suicide, rather an unseen clubber.

Bob is a stereotypical large Texan in a white suit except he's actually English.

Need I say more?

"You know my name" he said more to himself then me.

"You are the owner of the hottest nightclub in Bristol" I reminded him. That got back some of his pride

"You flatter me Bella" Apparently If I'm on first name terms then so is he. "I just took a piece of shit and turned it into a diamond"

Heidi snorted in the background, Bob's attention turned to her and by his leering gaze I could tell he liked what he saw.

"Bob, this is my friend Heidi. Heidi, this is Bob"

"The owner of the nightclub, I know" Heidi said, her accent sounding sultry. I could see the sweat form on Bob's head. That's one of the disadvantages of being a vampire; you are privy to disgusting sights like that all the time.

"Impressive" Heidi purred, her tongue running over the rim of the glass to catch any spare drops.

Bob's eyes followed it entranced "What you drinking there little lady?"

"Bloody Mary" Heidi replied, mirth in her violet eyes.

I appreciated her humor.

"Heidi, make the suggestion" I said, speaking too fast for Bob to pick up.

She smiled and her eyes lingered on Bob for a second before returning to me. A flick of a wink and I knew we were go.

"Hey" Bob said as if the thought were just occurring to him "Miss Suicide, I don't want to hamper down on your night or anything but you want to perform just one song for us? It'll sure be a hit in this place"

"Well..." I said in a considering tone of voice, milking it for what it was worth "I'd love to"

_**There we are; one chapter further to the much anticipated Cullen meets Suicide reunion. Only they don't know who Bella Suicide is. Or do they… Did anyone get what melody it was when the piano melody sounded familiar to Alice? Guess! Anyways, we've revealed a little more of that 'plan' (I have GOT to find a better name for that instead of calling it 'the plan' all the time) and Heidi has become the partner in crime with Bella. Bella's song is part of this gorgeous poem I found about a vampire. It fitted well as song lyrics. I've also tried my hand at writing her a song of my own. I'll have that up at some point. Thanks for reviewing!**_

_**Some whispers made the loudest noise…**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	5. Convincing the Cullen's

Chapter Five

If someone told me, seventeen years ago, that I would one day be up on a stage singing for an entire club full of cheering people I would have replied that I wouldn't even be able to walk across the stage without tripping.

The Isabella Marie Swan I was seventeen years ago is a whole other world away from the Bella Amaranth Suicide I am now. I chose the name Amaranth during one of my serene melodious periods. It means immortal; unfading, fitting I suppose.

New name, new look, new personality, new diet, new…_life_. I use that word sparingly since technically vampires are deceased beings, the 'walking dead' as some put it.

My voice rises and falls perfectly in tune with the music. I sing as no mortal can sing, even the new sensation in this time Zeneca Pop, whose voice is by far the best mortal one I have ever heard, pales in comparison.

I have met Zeneca a few times in the rare times I feel the need to put in an appearance at one of the elite parties. She's perfectly nice girl, with vivid red hair reminiscent of my _sire_, but rather senseless – even by human standards. Plus an unusual scent of pink bubblegum, though as she seems to live off the stuff I don't suppose I am that surprised.

A barrage of different scents flow to me from the humans throughout the room; the heat and excitement of my music causing an overload in there senses and making their bodies put out more of the attracting smells than usual.

It smells…appetising to say the least.

An attractive blend of floral, fruits, and spices, the clear outside air, a lemony smell of foliage and dirt and the musky stench of sex spirals through the air and invades my senses.

My mouth waters, not with saliva but with the venom dripping from my teeth. I swallowed it roughly and reminded myself that was what I had chosen. This place was vital to the scheme, for the Volturi to see that I could control myself and my chance to meet the Cullen's once more.

I ruthlessly reminded myself of the faces of these people, their lives, their families, and their love. Slowly the hunger receded as the little part of my humanity carried from my life as Bella Swan pushed it back.

I glowed with triumphant and threw back my head just in time to belt out the final of my song.

"_And when I feel your life in my veins,_

_The shattered sun will shed its bloody tear, _

_Entangled by the endless beginning's chains…" _

My voice lowered as the music slowed and I sung soft and fragile, the wings of a butterfly coming out in my voice.

"_I'll silently whisper into your ear, _

_That as I was once lifeless and torn…" _

The music drew to a close and the lights dimmed to a single blood red spotlight turning around in the middle of the stage, catching glimpses of me. The rose petals blew around to litter the stage around me and complete silence reigned. The crowd had stopped dancing and were watching me with revered awe.

I drew my hand up above my head, a gesture of elegance that drew the eye of every occupant in the club. I look up to see the Cullen's watching me intently, Heidi smirked and raised her glass to me in a toast while Bob had a glazed look on his face while calculating how much his club would go up in popularity after this.

My hand drifted slowly down with the grace of a petal and I sung the last line with the same slow beauty

"_Within you in darkness I will be reborn_"

The lights went out and the crowd started to scream and cheer.

I smirked and leapt up unseen to the VIP level. I landed without a sound in the middle, behind the occupants who were all gathered round the edge with a view of the stage.

The lights went back on again and a sigh of disappointment rose up from the crowd when the stage proved to be empty once more. Then a new single of Zeneca Pop's came on and the crowd eventually started dancing again though a few still cast dazed looks at the stage as if they were not sure if it was a dream or not.

Heidi noticed me first, I wasn't sure if it was due to her skills or that she knew beforehand. She turned around gracefully and walked towards me, arms held out with one hand still holding her martini glass.

"That was magnifico (**Magnificent**) Bella Suicide" She kissed me on both cheeks "And your friends were suitably impressed" she added almost silently so only I heard.

"Thank you Heidi" I said cordially and then added silently "Time to play" She shared my smirk and we turned simultaneously to view the four Cullen's standing, or posing rather, against the wall.

They looked like they were part of a movie, even with the other glittering occupants of the VIP room. They had an inner poise that most celebrity types didn't get without five hours in the make-up room, and even then the Cullen's would best them.

Mortals couldn't compare to vampire perfection. No matter how many hours spend with professional make-up artists, no matter how much spray-on foundation and plastic surgery. We won every time.

I slowly ran my gaze over them, savouring their familiar images. They hadn't changed one bit in the seventeen years we had been parted.

Emmett still stood above the rest, his heavily muscled frame differing with the friendly grin plastered on his face – though I could still see wariness in his golden eyes. His arm was wrapped around the slim waist of Rosalie, and yes, I even missed her.

Her beauty was still more striking than the others, just like Heidi, and her blonde hair gently curled down her back. She was looking at me with the same curiosity that Heidi occasionally had painted on her face. I felt a sense of warmth in my frozen body at the absence of hatred in her eyes.

Though I didn't understand her loathing when I was human I understood it now that I dwelled upon it throughout the years; she felt threatened. Living with humans was risky and she didn't like that I could crumble the entire façade that the Cullen's had created in Forks.

She was only trying to protect her family and I resolved long ago that I would not hold it against her; I hoped that this time we would be able to be friends.

My eyes shifted to the next blonde hair, Jasper. A particular memory of me escaping him in the airport by going through the woman's bathroom invaded my mind and the sides of my mouth twitched. He looked at me with curiosity and I knew he could feel my laughter.

I cut off the link of his empathetic feelings to me as I turned to the final Cullen. I ignored his eyes widening and the frown that came over his features in favour of relishing the first glimpse of the girl I could call my best friend.

Alice; her pixie like features were alight with a new discovery, although I could see the uncertainty that was in all their eyes. She was confused about my cutting her visions of me off. I allowed her to have the ones that I needed her to have, such as how to get into the VIP room.

I suppose some might call it immoral that I was holding another's power under my will but I call it a necessity.

Her short dark hair fell in spikes around her oval face. I was hit by another wave of longing, I wanted to run to her and throw my hands around her, to smell her beautiful scent again and feel safe.

I resisted the urge, barely, and instead smiled a smile that gave no heed to the mountain of feelings bubbling up inside of me. This, of course, was the reason that I cut off my link to Jasper. I couldn't risk raising his suspicions at the wave of emotions I felt at sight of his wife. Longing, love, happiness, he would think that I wanted Alice for myself. I almost had to stifle a giggle at that and stepped forwards.

"Good evening" I said politely, holding out my hand. Emmett immediately stepped forwards to shake it; the manners that were drilled in him from his human years would not allow him to ignore a lady's greeting. His hand dwarfed my slight one, both a ghostly shade of pale. I noted that I didn't notice the strength and coldness of his grip anymore, not now that mine was the same.

"Hello there little lady" he said, his southern accent still as prominent as ever "I'm Emmett Cullen"

"Bella Suicide" I replied "Though of course you already knew that or you wouldn't be here" I turned to the others.

Alice, of course, stepped forwards next and gave me a dainty hug which I returned, carefully reigning in the urge to squeeze her tight. "Alice" she introduced herself.

"Hello Alice" I replied.

"This is my husband Jasper" she waved a hand towards Jasper who stepped forwards. I subdued another squeal of glee at the fact that he wasn't avoiding me like the plague because I was human. I was just another vampire and he could trust himself around me.

"Hello Jasper" I said and extended my hand to him. Another spike of delight shot through my body as he unhesitatingly took my hand and shook it. This would be my second time around to be friends with him as well.

Finally my eyes turned to Rosalie, whose perfect face was still holding the curious look.

"Hello" I said cautiously. Our being friends was totally based on fact; she could have hated me for a completely different reason. Another pleasant wave of affection came over me as she hesitated then smiled warmly.

"Rosalie Hale" she shook my hand as opposed to hugging but I guess that was just Rosalie "Emmett's wife" she added with an affectionate glance at her husband.

"Bella Suicide" I replied "Heidi's friend" I added with a glance to the Volturi queen. She snorted delicately into her martini glass.

A silence fell upon us, not an awkward one but a friendly comfortable one. We all stood smiling at each other except for Heidi who was rolling her violet eyes slightly behind us. She didn't interrupt, however, being all too aware of how much I wanted this.

"Shall we?" I gestured with a sweeping hand to the small circle of couches that they had occupied previous to my show. I sat with Heidi on my left and the rest of the Cullen's spread out in front of me.

A pleasant radiance of peace and calm came over us as we smiled at each other without saying a thing. I knew we had Jasper to thank for that, I shot him an extra smile. Heidi prodded one tapered finger into my thigh.

"Do you know Heidi?" I started the small talk.

Alice nodded. "We've had…'encounters' before" The look she wore suggested that these encounters were much like the ones I previously had with the Volturi.

Aro sure had a problem with taking 'no' for an answer.

I gave a sly sidelong gaze of Heidi who remained impassive apart from a barely noticeable curve of her lips. I tsked at her mockingly "Heidi, you never informed me of this"

She didn't take her eyes off the four vampires in front of us "You never asked"

I gave a faux impatient sigh "It was not on my list of questions to ask when we met; 'have you ever met the Cullen's?' It never occurred to me"

Of course it had. Heidi knew this as well as I did. Judging by how the curve of her lips increased I could see that she was enjoying this little pseudo barter.

"My mistake" she replied silkily "I should have mentioned it when you informed me that we were going to meet them"

Ding-ding-ding! I found myself the object of four pairs of golden gazes.

"You knew we were going to be here?" Jasper enquired, slightly chillier than he greeted me.

"I did leave the Vanity Fair card did I not?" I answered lightly.

"How did you know?" This was Alice "I didn't see it"

"I know"

A frown brushed across her face "Come again?"

"I know that you didn't see this coming" I repeated.

Recognition flashed in her eyes "You, you blocked my sight!" Their gazes turned hostile.

"I didn't want to ruin the surprise" I continued in that same serene voice.

"What surprise?" Emmett growled.

I gave a glance towards Heidi and held my hands up, gesturing to myself "Surprise!"

This was getting far too fun.

Their reactions were as expected; glares all around with Heidi badly concealing her own mirth.

"Oh come on" I pouted "Who wouldn't be happy with their very own rock star?"

"Explain now" Jasper said firmly. His annoyance was clear and the Cullen's were beginning to get edgy, even Heidi was starting to look pissed off. I put a damper on his power and the mood lightened. His eyes switched to me immediately "What did you just do?" he demanded.

I smiled sweetly "I constrained the emotions that you were putting out. Everyone was looking a bit aggravated and Heidi, as Volturi, can't have one of you ripping my head off and exposing our kind"

Jasper quietened in thought, Rosalie looked vaguely interested, Alice had comprehension dawning on her face and Emmett just looked confused.

"I'm sure you all know what she's talking about" he directed this at him family "But I'm going to need some plain English here"

Jasper muttered something that sounded like "You can take the boy out of the south but you can't take the south out of the boy"

"She means that she can control Jasper's empathy" Rosalie translated for her husband "I presume that it works for other powers as well?" she directed this to me.

"So that's why I couldn't see this" Alice said to no one in particular "My sight was being impeded"

"Correct" I said happily.

"Why?" Emmett asked me.

Even though he now knew what was going on, loosely, he still didn't understand. I was banking on that to start up the next flow of conversation – though if someone hadn't asked I still would have found a way to move us along. We were on a schedule after all.

"I'm so glad you asked" I started, I got the other Cullen's attention "I got you here today because…" I trailed off for more realism  
"…well, I find you…fascinating" I finished abruptly.

"Fascinating?" Rose repeated.

"It means interesting" Emmett informed his wife fondly.

Rosalie punched him in the side of the head "I know what it mean idiot" she hissed.

I gazed at them intently, I didn't even realise how much I missed this family. Heidi's finger poked subtly into my thigh and I jerked out of my daze to find all four Cullen's staring at me.

I knew that if I were still human I would be blushing right now. It's times like this that I'm glad that I don't have blood of my own.

"Sorry, just thinking" I apologised, inwardly kicking myself.

"It's fine" Alice smiled at me hesitantly.

I smiled back and continued "You are vampires who have revoked all their basic instincts and still interact with humans; of course you are intriguing to me. In a way we are similar"

"Similar?" Rosalie tilted her head "In what way?"

Heidi spoke up "She doesn't eat humans either"

Instantly all golden eyes went to my eyes, or more specifically my irises "Your eyes tell differently" Jasper commented.

I smirked, showing my teeth "I don't drink from humans. But I do drink blood" I gestured a hand to Heidi and her purposely slowly drunk martini.

"How do you take the blood?" Alice asked.

"Blood donors" I replied "We are the same; I am just the link between your kind and our kind. That is the reason why I am so interested by you, why I wanted to meet you; to compare our tastes"

"Kind of an elaborate plan just to meet us" Alice said suspiciously.

I laughed, as did Heidi. They had no idea how elaborate my plan was.

"Heidi tells me as such all the time"

Subtly I hooked a tendril of my power around Jaspers and released an aura of calm. The atmosphere became far more relaxed. A flick of the eye towards Heidi and Alice made a suggestion.

"If you're so interested in studying us then you should come visit" she said with her usual enthusiasm. "You can meet our parents Esme and Carlisle and our other brother Edward. I know Carlisle would love to study your ways too"

Her siblings looked at her, considering it with private looks between each other.

I looked at Heidi again pointedly "I'd love to go meet Bob again" she drawled with a hint of disgust at the thought of the club owner.

"Excuse us" I said and guided her away. "Good girl" I whispered in her ear before calling Bob over.

"This better be worth it Suicide" she growled back before plastering an arrogant smirk on her face. She was much better than any Hollywood type, though given that hers actually had aristocratic ties I'm not really surprised.

"Ladies" Bob greeted, an acrid smelling cigar firmly planted between two sausage-like fingers.

"I wouldn't eat him" Heidi said, her mouth moving too fast for Bob's ears "Far too fattening" I laughed coldly and turned to Bob.

"Missing the joke?" he grinned. I gave a grimace of a smile. I wouldn't eat him either, even if I did eat humans.

"Hey listen" he turned serious "I just want to thank you for your performance" he scratched the back of his head awkwardly, I inwardly winced at the sound of his fingernails against his sculpt. I absolutely abhor that habit in humans.

"It was my pleasure, really" I assured him cordially "I love performing, I wouldn't do what I did otherwise"

I knew the quote would make it into the papers the next day. I trusted Bob a lot less farther than I could throw him.

I kept an eye on the Cullen's discussion whilst pretending to be absorbed in this conversation. I allowed Heidi to take the reins with Bob while I put in a comment every now and then. A fact for which I'm sure she will lay into me later.

They were speaking in tones too soft for even my hearing to pickup but I had, by then, flourished in the long forgotten art of lip-reading.

I looked at Jasper out of the corner of my eye "…I don't trust her. There's something, not quite right about her. Like she knows something that we don't"

"She probably knows a lot of stuff that we don't know" Rosalie replied "You can't expect her to be forthcoming about her entire history when we've known her for barely a half-hour"

"You can't expect us to invite her to stay at our house when we've known her for barely a half-hour" Jasper retorted, casting an unhappy look at his mate.

Alice looked to the floor "I'm sorry, it just popped into my head"

Jasper looked suspicious at that. I delicately veiled them in more calm and trust on them.

Jasper sighed "Its fine, I do wish you asked us first, but it's fine"

Alice perked up visibly "Really?" He smiled softly and stroked a hand through her hair.

"Well, I like her" Emmett announced.

"As do I" Rosalie leaned against Emmett.

"Me three" Alice said.

They all looked expectantly at Jasper who looked resigned "Fine, but I'm still keeping one eye on her" Alice grinned and hugged him.

I turned back to Heidi who wasn't even trying to look interested in what Bob was saying about strobe lighting. "We're in business"

_**And thus we have our first encounter with the Cullen's. I think I got their characters correct but I don't really know. What do you think? Sorry for taking so long but my little brother has been on the computer most of the week and I couldn't get to finish writing for ages. Plus some family crap going on. Ugh. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it and I'll see you next time**_

_**Procrastination is suicide on the instalment plan…**_

_**Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	6. Meeting the Rest

_**Rawr! I'm back. I was experimenting with microsoft paint and eye colour and managed to turn the picture of Bella in my profile's eyes RED! Whoot, so check that out. (Shameless advertising)  
And okay people, please don't leave little notes telling me to update. I have three other fics as well as school and social time. My life does not revolve around writing fanfiction and sometimes the shit in my life gets too much and I don't feel like writing. So don't do that please. Thanks! Anyways, here's the next chapter in which we meet a much awaited character…**_**Carlisle**_**! Joke! **_

'**Redeemer' by "Bella Suicide" is actually by Marilyn Manson. It's from a great movie I watched for the first time on the weekend called 'Queen of the Damned' it's is about…a vampire rock star! Go figure. I was pissing my friend off by going "I've written a fanfic about that…I put that in my fanfic…etc" Weird. **

Chapter Six

I don't remember much about my life as Isabella Swan.

Well I know my life; I don't remember living it though. It's like I was told the tale of Bella Swan, the foolish girl who fell for a man much above her station. Sounds kind of like a romance novel.

I was told the story, I know the story but it's still a story. I know that I moved to Forks and I know the emotion I felt but I don't remember _how_ it felt.

I know I had a father, Charlie, and a mother, Renee, and a step-father, Phil. I know I loved them but I can't remember how it felt. As hard as I try, I can only muster up a weak imitation, a lingering taste that I can never quite grasp onto.

It's excruciating.

Carlisle once said to me that for a vampire, the turning is often the only point of their previous life that the vampire can remember. I do not know if it was because I had known previously about vampires or because I was a young vampire that I remembered so much about the life of Bella Swan.

One memory carried with me and I could experience the exact emotions I felt; lying in the flawlessly symmetrical meadow. I could close my eyes and summon that scene in my mind and I would be flooded with an overload of the feelings denied to vampires. Our emotions are less raw and more refined once we turn.

Occasionally, when I was particularly feeling the harshness of loss, I would close my eyes and go into a trance, similar to human sleep, where I would just bask in that memory and that emotion for hours on end. My own private dreamland.

I resisted the urge to escape to my utopia as I smoothly drove the silvery black Ferrari F430, considered a retro vehicle in this year, behind Alice's conspicuously bright gold Lamborghini.

In truth, I was terrified of this, of meeting him again. I've worked up to this for seventeen long years and now I didn't know if I could continue.

A treasonous part of my mind commented that I could turn this car into a U-turn right now and leave in the other direction. I was certain I would be able to outrun the Cullen's.

But to leave them behind? To exist the rest of eternity in solitude? If all goes to plan I would never be alone. I quashed the thought with vengeance.

I would not run.

"Well that is good to know" Heidi commented beside me "I'd hate to think for all your planning to be for nothing" I hadn't even realised that I'd spoken aloud.

"I'm not running" I repeated.

"Certo" (**Certainly**) Heidi replied absently.

"I'm not" I defended.

"You are thinking about it" she replied. She leant forwards and fiddled with my radio "Perhaps some nice music will ease your mind"

The bubbly music of Zeneca Pop's latest single filled the car, Heidi's hand flashed out and slammed on the tuning button before the pop star could even sing a single note. I gave a small chuckle.

"That's was _excruciating_" Heidi hissed.

I chuckled "It is top of the charts at the moment"

"Humans have no taste" she said decidedly "Promise me you will never conform to this…this…_racket_"

I mimicked Zeneca's chirpy voice perfectly and sung the first line of the song "_I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot_"

(A/n Yes, I stole that off 'Bring it on' but it's certainly bubbly enough)

Heidi glared at me while her fingers blurred through the channels, stopping on a rock station where a vaguely familiar song was playing it's final chords.

Then the radio DJ's voice came on, identical to every other DJ "That was 'Penetrate' by 'Godhead' and next up we have a song by the scene queen of rock, who just appeared in her first interview on the Katie O'Donnell show, we'll play that for you later, here is 'Redeemer' by Bella Suicide!"

"Here is some good music" Heidi said innocently. It was my turn to glare at her as my own music flooded into my ears. Heidi changed her voice to imitate my own as she sang

"_The hunger inside given to me makes me what I am  
Always it is calling me, for the blood of man  
They say I cannot be this I am jaded  
Hiding from the day  
I can't bear I cannot tame the hunger in me_"

It sounded eerie, my voice coming at me from two sources. Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I sung with her

"_Oh  
I say I did and always searching  
you can't fuck with fate  
So, instead you'll taste my pain_"

I knew the Cullen's could hear us ahead so I sped up to glide alongside them.

Alice had anticipated me and pre-tuned her radio to the same station. Her windows were rolled down and she leant out of it, as we flanked them, to sing loudly with us.

Jasper, in the driver's seat, rolled his eyes and Emmett and Rosalie were too busy making out in the back to pay any attention to us.

"_The hunger inside given to me makes me feel alive  
Always out stalking prey  
In the dark I hide  
Feeling, Falling, Hating, Feel like, I am fading, hating LIFE!_"

The music thundered out at a deafening level from our combined stereos.

Heidi was right; the music _did _take my mind of the impending meeting. I laughed as Alice demonstrated her head-bashing techniques, her short black hair flicking around her white face. The stark contrast was striking and even without his empathy I could feel Jaspers desire.

I stopped singing with a sigh and stared blindly out Heidi's window at the passing foliage. I'd spoken too soon. I tried not to dwell upon his, his beautiful bronze hair and milky marble skin. His golden eyes made me burn with desire. I was sure if I could still blush I would be mistaken for a tomato.

My song finally began its descent;

"_It's haunting me_

_It's haunting me_

_It's haunting me_

_It's haunting me_

_It's haunting me_"

Of course it was. It had been haunting me for seventeen years.

"Yeah!" Alice yelled out enthusiastically before she was brutally kissed by Jasper, who obviously couldn't hold onto his craving any longer. I turned the radio down as the next song began playing.

"Is it unworthy of your attention because it's not sung by Bella Suicide?" Heidi teased. "No, I just have a headache" I corrected feebly.

Heidi gave a delicate snort "Nonsense, we don't get headaches. It's no use lying to me about that; I've been one for many more millennia's then you" She was right, of course.

"Since you know all, there is no point in informing you of my dilemmas" I replied, perhaps a bit snappier than I intended.

Heidi ignored my tone "Of course I know" she said in a cavalier fashion "And if you are too dense to know the outcome of this yourself then you should direct your delightful thieving talents towards the smallest Cullen and her gift for prediction"

"No" I said resolutely.

Heidi shrugged "Suit yourself" she leant over to the back of my car "What is the access code to your blood bank? I'm hungry"

"You ate at the club" I reminded her.

"I eat on a regular basis" she defended "I'm not like mortals and their idiotic diets. Imagine starving yourself to be thin"

"They, unlike us, put on fat when they eat" I said.

"I'm still famished" Heidi said resolutely, ignoring my words. I sighed and rattled off the painfully long code. "My thanks" she slid back into her seat and tossed me one of the packets she had emerged with.

I looked at the label; 36 year old Hispanic male, AB. I could almost taste the Samosa's as the warm liquid slid down my throat. Heidi hummed happily as she slurped on a 19 year old French girl's B-positive blood.

"This way you have with eating is extraordinary" she commented, tossing the empty packet out the window.

I had a mental image of some mortal finding the drained sachet of blood but I guess that since it was London not too many eyebrows would be raised.

Heidi gave a haughty sneer at the grime covered buildings. "This is nothing like my beautiful Volterra" she said arrogantly. "This place has gotten even dirtier since I last came here"

"And when was that?" I enquired.

She shrugged "A few decades ago, generally vampires avoid cities – too much temptation"

"I would have thought that vampires hunted in cities frequently – missing people are a regular occurrence"

"If there are too many killed then the Volturi intervenes. Sometimes we stage the murders – replacing the blood with the blood of animals and mutilating the bodies"

"Sounds rather like Jack the Ripper" I commented.

Heidi smiled, showing the tips of her teeth "One of our more famous cover-ups. The vampire in question was very fond of the blood of women and who other than the ladies of the night? My Aro and I had much fun concealing the real truth" she gave an eerie laugh.

I tried not to remember the gruesome details of the murders. "You were never caught?"

"No, the mortals were not yet adept at sciences. Animal blood would never hold up in modern analysis. I miss the old days" she said wistfully.

"Bloodshed without consequence?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"We ruled the night" she said in the same melancholy tone "Mortals were afraid. They offered us great treasures in a way of bribery. They believed that they could fend us off with garlic, crosses and other ridiculous means" she burst out in giggles then stopped abruptly "The music was terrible in that time as well" I laughed. Jasper and Alice were still lip-locked in the car next to us, with Jasper somehow managing to keep driving.

"Exhibitionists" Heidi muttered and leant over me to slam her hand on the horn. They separated with a jump, though the car didn't falter in its smooth course. They shot glares at us. I gave them an innocent look and pointed at Heidi who pointed back at me with a laugh.

Rosalie and Emmett in the backseat, however, hadn't even flinched from their own display. Jasper shook his head in a resigned manner and turned sharply onto a near-hidden street. I mimicked his actions with less than a split-second to spare.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say he was trying to lose us" I muttered to Heidi under my breath.

She sniffed "Animal suckers" she said in way of an insult. I could hear Jasper's laugh from the other car as we sped behind them, dodging the slower mortal drivers with ease.

I was hit with a thought of my old Chevy pick-up. My first car, it was indestructible, perfect for clumsy Bella Swan. It was also _slow_.

I never understood what_ he_ complained about when he drove my car until I became one of the undead myself. I spared at glance towards the speedometer; I was hitting 190 mph but that, thanks to a little tweaking, was not even close to the speeds it could go.

We were in an expensive-looking suburbia area – St Albans, about twenty-two miles out of London city. Heidi looked down her nose at the rows of beautifully quaint houses.I rolled my eyes.

"When you have been to Volterra then you will understand" she said confidently.

I turned up the radio "Well until then, can you keep an open mind? I don't want anything impeding on this" I warned her lightly under the cover of the rock music. I wasn't going to risk the Cullen's hearing any information that they did not need. Heidi sighed and returned to staring moodily out the window.

We shadowed the Cullen's through the sleepy town, darkened by the cover of night; passing countless houses of the same quaint design until we reached a paved avenue.

The houses on this road were most sparsely positioned and larger than that of the rest of the area. Continuing along until we reached a house positioned at the end of the street with the nearest neighbours almost a hundred metres away.

A clean white path lead to a three story house, done in the same old-fashioned English style of bricks and stone. Wide white-paned windows were placed at strategic interviews on the front of the house to give a natural lighting – much like their house in Forks. Most of the windows were shuttered in green to match the front door that sat beneath a massive alcove.

The grounds surrounding the house, with the kind of green grass that was commonly found on gardening shows, were littered with a blend of brightly coloured, and scented, flowers with large trees for shade.

(A/n you can see a painting of the house here; www (dot) designcommunity (dot) com (slash) user (underscore) gallery (slash) postings (slash) 21 (dot) html. Just replace the words with the actual symbols)

It oozed elegance and Cullen-ness, for lack of a better word. And I loved it upon sight.

The house glowed from the lights within and the green door flew open with three silhouettes standing in the entranceway as we drove up. My hands trembled on the steering wheel and I sat in the parked car without moving, or breathing, for what seemed like eternity though in reality was only a few moments.

Heidi dug one of her talon-like nails into my arm again to snap me out of my daze, what would I do without her?

I blinked hard and jerked my hands off the wheel as if it burned. I saw the door of the car in front of us fly open and the blur that was Alice Cullen whoosh out towards the three in the alcove, talking a mile a second. Jasper climbed sedately out of the driver's seat next, a contrary image to his excitable wife.

He banged a fist on the back window as he passed by and Rosalie and Emmett stepped out with grace that didn't seem to fit with their previous activities as Rosalie adjusted her top and Emmett removed the lipstick smeared across his face with the back of his fist. They moved forwards to greet their parents and brother and the whole family turned to look at our still car.

"Bella?" Heidi paused, half in and half out of the car.

"Coming" I mumbled and opened the door with a painful slowness. Seventeen years had been building up to this point and I wanted to savour every moment of it.

Okay that was a lie, I was _really_ nervous.

I made a show of adjusting my Gucci sunglasses, even though it was night they served as this occasions mask, in the rear-view mirror and touching up my already perfect make-up until I could stall no longer.

Heidi was, by this time, greeting the Cullen's with her usual hauteur – though she did seem genuinely pleased to see her old friend Carlisle. I took a deep, unneeded, breath and looked in the mirror one final time. They must think I was incredibly vain.

"This is it Bella" I said almost silently to avoid the vampire hearing of any of the Cullen's before I stepped fluidly out of the Ferrari. I walked towards the Cullen's, knowing my walk was reminiscent of the loping lion's grace that I once saw as theirs.

"I'll get your luggage" Emmett volunteered as I approached. Jasper went to help silently, leaving me with the remaining six who all looked at me when I arrived. Rosalie and Alice gave me a smile while Heidi gave a short raise of one eyebrow which I suppose she thought was encouraging.

Oddly enough, it was and I was suddenly full of charming confidence as the matriarch and patriarch of the Cullen family stepped forwards to greet me.

"Well this is unusual" Esme said softly "I'm afraid we don't get many vampire rock stars to visit. I'm Esme. The children's mother"

Alice and Rosalie gave identical cringes at being called 'children' and I didn't need to turn around to know that Jasper and Emmett were doing the same. The closeness between Carlisle and Esme stopped me from seeing the one I wanted to view most and I couldn't feel his reaction.

The vampire I knew would have expressed amusement, maybe a twitch of the lip or even one of his crooked smiles. But I sensed nothing but indifference. By the worried look that passed over Esme's face I could tell that she felt the total unresponsiveness as well.

I extended a hand to her, breaking her second of thought "I do hope I'm not being too forward, inviting myself here like this" I said in a more inhibited tone, adding a slight drop of the head in a child-like pose of bashfulness.

Her mothering instincts rushed full-throttle and she pulled me into a gentle hug with a kiss on either side of my cheeks "Of course not dear. We would love to have you here. And from what I heard, it was Alice who pushed_ you_ into it"

If only you knew.

I heard Alice squirm slightly behind me and I know that she was still feeling decidedly odd about her enthusiastic invite. I attempted to get a glimpse at the figure behind them but he was sheathed in shadows and I was unable to get a glimpse other than a flash of bronze hair in the light as I pulled out of Esme's embrace.

I turned to Carlisle feeling more than disappointed and with a hint of anxiety. I took his offered hand and shook it.

"Carlisle Cullen" he introduced himself "I must say I'm intrigued by your method of feeding. Alice explained the basics of it but I would love to talk about it in full with you"

"Whenever you wish" I said graciously. But I was still restless and eager to get his introduction over with.

I do adore Carlisle but I had more pressing desires. I forced the want into the back of my mind and turned my full attention to Carlisle so as not to seem rude. And also not to appear overly fervent. It seemed to work on the rest of the family but not Carlisle who had already detected my impatience.

He didn't say anything, for which I was grateful, and appeared to let it go. I internally kicked myself and hoped that diminutive lapse of judgement would not return to bite me in the ass.

I had to keep a better rein on my own emotions. Especially if I was going to play this out for the rest of eternity.

"And of course this is the sole one of my children you haven't met" Ignorant Carlisle said and stepped back with a sweeping arm to the figure in the shadows. My fingers unintentionally tightened into fists, though I don't think it was observed by anyone other than Heidi.

Everyone else's attention was focused, as mine was, on the shadows. They seemed to be holding their breaths and a second later I found out why.

"_Edward_" Carlisle finished. With that the man in the shadows stepped forwards and I laid eyes upon the man who, without even trying, destroyed my heart. And he looked _nothing_ like I imagined.

Sure he still had the bronze coloured hair, carelessly falling into his burning topaz eyes in casual disarray. And, as I've just mentioned, still had his gaze of molten gold, unsullied by black because of his hunting trip. But this Edward's eyes were hard, like solid gold. And despite him having just eaten, the lavender circles, around all of our eyes, were even more pronounced than ever.

His beautiful mouth was not twisting into his signature smile, but rather forming a hard line. His stance was every bit as unfriendly as his expression; his arms were firmly crossed, slightly leaning on one hip as he towered above me.

When I knew him, his fashion taste was that of beige jackets and turtle necks, colours of light. This Edward was dressed in a long-sleeved black shirt that moulded itself to him like a second skin and split into a small 'V' that showed a glimpse of his perfect chiselled chest, a long leather binding wrapped, from the bottom of the 'V', around his lower torso; emphasising his lean figure even more. Smooth, buttery black pants clung down his legs until they disappeared into the unlaced black combat boots.

(A/n I'm sorry if I made Edward sound gay with all the tight clothing but this is my idea of fashion in 2020. We do seem to be getting tighter over the years.)

This was _not_ the Edward I remembered. But I'm not the Bella he remembers so I guess it evens out. We've both changed.

And, dare I say it, this Edward was…_hot_!

He may look completely different but he still sent shivers racing down my spine and I had a sudden urge to blush. I flexed my hand to stop it's shaking before extending it. "Hello Edward"

He didn't answer, staring at my hand, and then at me. I held his gaze; I know he was attempting to read my mind. His frown deepened when he couldn't and he stared at my hand again.

"Edward" Esme hissed in a warning tone of voice. Everyone else was silent, watching us carefully.

He took my hand, but instead of shaking it like I expected, he jerked me towards him. "Charmed" he whispered harshly in my ear before pressing a chaste kiss to my cheek.

I heard him inhale and then stiffen. This was the part I was afraid of. He recognised my scent, it had changed when I turned but it was apparently still faintly recognisable to him. Neither of the Cullen's had shown any suspicions and that was one positive count.

He moved his head to stare into my Gucci-covered eyes. His held the first hints of emotion I had seen so far in the new Edward. There was an imperceptible mix but I could detect mistrust, distress and…hope?

"Bella?" he whispered.

I looked at him evenly "Yes?"

There was a pause.

"Different Bella" Alice said to me in way of explanation.

I turned my head slowly towards her "Are you sure? Us Bella's are…one in the same" I said lightly.

Another awkward pause in which the Cullen's looked at me, unsure as to what I meant. Edward was still staring at me with an indistinguishable look on his face, his eyes hooded once more.

I smiled at him "May I have my hand back?" I asked politely.

That broke it, the strange tenseness that was holding us all to our place. Edward wrenched his hand away from mine and strode into the house.

Esme watched him go with another worried look "Oh dear" she turned to me apologetically "I'm sorry for his behaviour Bella. There was a…'incident' not too long ago; Edward's never been the same since. I don't know what it was that set him off" She chewed her lip and looked to a dark window at the top of the house which I suppose was Edward's room.

Carlisle wrapped his arm around her waist. "I do hope you will forgive him" he said.

"Of course" I replied vacantly as he led his dry-sobbing wife into the house.

"I'll get your room ready" Alice offered and disappeared after her parents.

With a look from me, Heidi engaged Rosalie in a conversation about the conflicting fashions in Italy and England as they also went into the house. Emmett followed Alice carrying the large assortment of suitcases containing clothing – most of which Heidi chose out of my extensive wardrobe. Jasper followed with the massive safe that contained my assortment of blood.

He paused by me in the alcove "There's just your guitar left"

"I will get that, thank you Jasper" I replied, still in the vacant state. Finally I was left alone. I wandered in no hurry to my car to retrieve the guitar.

Edward was…not what I expected. I didn't anticipate the 'incident' to have such a big effect on him. If it was the incident I was thinking of.

For all I know something else happened after he left me. Esme just said there was an 'incident' – not that it had anything to do with Bella Swan. She didn't even mention Bella.

I picked up the guitar and began strumming it aimlessly as I wandered back toward the house. A melody came to mind and I began to sing softly.

"_Remember the feelings, remember the day  
My stone heart was breaking  
My love ran away  
This moment I knew I would be someone else  
My love turned around and I fell_…"

I ignored the pair of golden eyes watching me from the dark window at the top of the house.

_**So **__**we finally had the meeting of Bella and Edward and it was not what you thought right? I don't think I was going to make Edward so dark but i had a revelation in the shower, where I get all my good ideas, and thus the Dark!Edward was created. I needed something to happen to him as opposed to finding Bella. He doesn't know she's dead by the way and that will be revealed why later on. The little songlet at the end was "Bad boy' by 'Cascada'. Oh and my spellcheck was screwing up again in parts so soz for any mistakes in advance. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you when I see you. **_

_**There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change…**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	7. Porcelain

_**Wow, so there's been so much crap happening in my life that's impeded on my writing, I wrote about half of this and then mock exams came around. I still have two but I'm over revising. I also decided to finish Eclipse beforehand just in case I needed to make any changes. Holidays are soon and I'm going to Samoa. It's my first time out of New Zealand so I guess I'm as excited as I can be. I don't really get excited. Meh. Anyways we FINALLY have the next chapter (after two months of non-suicide girl) so review and enjoy! **_

Chapter Seven

Sleeping is a luxury humans take for granted.

To dream is to be free. To live in a place that's all your creation, to escape the dreariness and horror of reality.

My kind is not awarded this pleasure. We trade dreams, daylight and, in some beliefs, our souls in order to be the epitome of beauty and grace.

Things that all human aspire or wish to become. They could, in their dreams, appear with a fleeting grasp of our perfection but this is, of course, only momentary.

We are perfection. Deities walking amongst mere mortals for all eternity.

Vampires are the elite, the top of the inherent food chain.

We eat you.

But the thing that most humans, if there are any actually aware of our presence, don't know is that we're jealous. We have immortality; enhanced speed, strength, stamina and mentality; unnatural beauty and a scent irresistible to our prey. We are superior to humans in all ways.

But, they say, ignorance is bliss. That's what humans are; ignorant.

We envy humans because they get to live. They don't exist as stone, frozen throughout time. They exist in a life that is so short, it's beautiful. It makes them appreciate the beauty in the world. To us, the earth is the same.

The view changes as more humans are born and perish in a beautiful cycle. We envy the humans because they can change, they can live, they can appreciate the beauty of the world, but most of all, they can _dream_.

The closest vampires can get is meditating, my current activity.

I idly opened one eye and cast a gaze around the room I was currently staying in. It looked like something straight out of an interior design magazine, thanks to Esme's decorating skills.

The walls were painted a deep chocolate with mahogany furnishings. A large bed with a white feather duvet was positioned in the middle of the room. More for show than actual use I suspected. A large and very up-to-date entertainment system took up most of one wall, which I assumed was Emmett and Jaspers doing.

Currently my own possessions were placed amongst that of the Cullen's, my clothing stashed away in the extensive closet while the blood bank was pushed in a corner out of the way. My musical equipment was also placed at various intervals around the room; the large amp took up in the centre beside a large piano belonging to the Cullen's.

My guitar lay companionably on the bed next to me. I stroked its neck lovingly. The black colour gleamed rainbow in the harsh lighting, which also bounced off my prism-skin and sent the colours flying across the dark walls.

I lifted one gracefully hand and experimented in the light; turning my hand this way and that to make the colours dance across the room. A strange itching feeling started in the back of my mind. I inwardly smiled, I knew the feeling well.

It was the weird prickling feeling I'd get whenever inspiration for a song struck me. This was how I started most of my songs. I picked up my guitar and experimentally strummed a few chords until a melodic pattern began to emerge.

Strings of lyrics flooded into my head as my enhanced mind created a blur of words. A sweet melody tinkered from the strings. Dreams, human dreams flowed through the music.

I sung a single wavering note "…_Paper flowers_"

I flicked on the amp and started a harsher tune, the sound of nightmares. "…_Paper flowers_"

The music turned sweeter once more as more words appeared through my lips.

"_I linger in the doorway,  
of alarm clock screaming, monsters calling my name.  
Let me stay where the wind will whisper to me,  
where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story._"

I took a deep breath and slammed on the guitar once more.

"_In my field of paper flowers,  
and candy clouds of lullaby  
I lie inside my self for hours,  
And watch my purple sky fly over me_"

The music dwindled once more. I mentally took a reminder of every note I played. This would, after all, next be playing on MTV or another popular music channel.

"_Don't say I'm out of touch  
With this rampant chaos, your reality  
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge  
The nightmare I built my own world to escape"_

I felt him enter though I paid no attention, he already knew that I knew. My back was to him while a smirk played across my features. 

I'd already more than one visit from each of his family members in the few days I'd been here; I knew that curiosity would eventually drive him to me as well.

He had waited until the house was empty; Heidi had asked Alice, Rosalie and Esme to go on a shopping expedition while the rest were hunting. Just as I wanted, it was us all alone in the house.

Ever since I saw him I'd been dying to find out the changes I'd have to rewrite into my plans. He was waiting patiently; I knew he wanted me to finish the song. Otherwise he'd have just interrupted me.

My voice switched to an octave higher for the approaching bridge as my gingers plucked daintily at the strings.

"_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming  
cannot cease for the fear of a silent night  
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming  
the goddess of an Imaginary life_"

I drawled the note in time to the blasting from my guitar. The racking electrical sound twisted through the air like a snake. I stopped abruptly.

"Like what you hear?" I asked without turning around.

"I'm sure it will be the next big hit" his drawling sarcasm was impossible to miss. I let loose a condescending laugh in retaliation. He didn't like that; I could feel his glare on me.

With deliberate slowness I placed my guitar back on the bed. I could tell he thought I was mocking him, his glare increased ten-fold. I decided to aggravate him some more – purely for research purposes of course. A basic annoying technique is to completely ignore his presence.

Men, even vampires, like to be noticed. I guess it makes them feel special or something. I never really went too much into it.

I wandered over to a pile of papers on the bedside table, undeniably conscious of his eyes upon my back. Each page had four horizontal columns, two divisions of each column made up of five lines. I drew a treble clef on the top division of the first column and a bass clef on the other division. Then, with perfect precision, I began to ink in the various notes of my newly created song.

Completely ignoring the man behind me.

He approached me cautiously. I ignored him cheerfully.

"I distinctly heard a sharp in the forth line" his breath blew across the back of my exposed neck. I suppressed a shiver and mentally berated myself for tying my hair up today.

Without turning round I could sense his smirk. I studiously ignored him as I neatly corrected the note. The song-writing took almost no time at all and soon I was at a lost of what to do.

I arranged the newly written music into a pile, carefully aligning the edges perfectly, and placed it in the dead middle of the desk. I was running out of things to do. He knew that as well, the triumphant arrogance was coming off him in waves.

I lined the pens up along the desk edge, each perfectly symmetrical to the last millimetre. The sense of victory coming from him was quickly replaced by annoyance at my last of recognition. But I wasn't intending on losing this farce of a game.

Finally he spoke "You know it's rude to ignore"

"You would know" I retorted, still not looking at him.

"Would I?" he asked tauntingly.

I looked hard at the desk. "You've not spoken a word to me since my arrival, three days ago"

"Is that so?"

I didn't reply. I was finding it hard to concentrate on the banter with him so close to me. His very presence was… intoxicating.

He was a dangerous person to be around for this reason. I had to keep my mind on my plan. Slip-ups were not tolerated. I'd told Heidi often enough. And each time she'd reply with a roll of her ruby eyes; '_Si, Si Bella Suicide, you worry too much_'.

I was not worrying, I was being cautious – overly so, admittedly, but there was a lot for me to lose with this.

"Any particular reason for your visit, Edward? You had, after all, so resiliently ignored my presence up until now"

He moved away when I changed the subject, towards a shelf, heavy with various decorative pieces. I was able to think reasonably well without him being so close, but was still painfully aware of every movement. I took in a silent breath and turned to face him, standing up.

One slender pale finger traced the features of a tiny china maiden. Her big dark eyes stared wondrously up at him while a painted blush coloured her cheeks. With a pang I realised that the doll reminded me of my human self. I would get rid of it once he left.

I vaguely wondered if the doll had the same effect on him as me. He didn't show any sign of inner turmoil, just blank. Like a marble statue. I inadvertently wrapped my arms around my chest once more, tight like a corset. I mustn't shatter. Not in front of him. No matter how much I wanted to at the moment.

"You didn't answer my question" I internally winced as soon as the words came out of my mouth. They were cool, cutting, a tone that Bella Swan would never utter.

But I wasn't Bella Swan, I reminded myself. I was Bella Suicide, and Bella Suicide would speak in frosty tones.

She was cool, calm, collect. She was me.

With that inner speech set firmly in my mind I released my vice-like grip on myself with a sigh. I adopted a new posture as he turned at the outtake of breath; a pose that screamed poise and confidence.

His eyes narrowed into a look of dislike as soon as his gaze set upon me but I didn't miss the split-second look of tenderness that he had given the doll. It was stupid I know but for that split-second, I was _jealous_ of the minute china maiden.

The way he held her in his hands, caressed her fragile body, reminded me of how he used to hold me.

It was as if Bella Swan was alive once more and I couldn't bear it. Her era was over and it was time for Bella Suicide to take the stand. There wasn't enough room in this world for both of us.

My eyes flashed dark, despite the fact that I had just eaten earlier, the inky colour bleeding into the ruby. My fatal black gaze fixated on the maiden safe in marble hands, visually tracing her tiny porcelain features. I could feel Edward's suspicious gaze on me but even for the sake of my immortality I could not lift my eyes from the small creature within his grasp.

Bella Swan was…

**Gone**.

**Dying**.

**Dead**.

I was reborn from the ashes of her life. I, the dominating psyche, took precedence over her life, mind and body. Yet here she was, mocking me, safe in his hands.

A fury beyond what I've ever felt burned within my core. She was _here_. She was reattaching strings I'd already cut. I wouldn't let her reform the ties of the life I'd shed. I wouldn't allow it. The acid on my gaze was burning towards the porcelain darling.

The fire didn't burn her, she was protected beyond it's reached by icy skin. His icy skin.

And that angered me.

Stupid little figurine.

Stupid **cowardly** mortal.

I am not you anymore Bella Swan. I hate you little craven swan-child.

Bella –_fucking _– Swan.

With the speed imperceptible to her **weak **mortal eyes, I was in front of him. He didn't flinch, just watched me with his cool golden eyes. I locked my gaze with his.

Black and Gold.

Fire and ice.

He didn't blink and neither did I.

"Get out of my room Edward" I hissed low, malice clear in every word. I didn't care at the moment. I just wanted him out. To keep those gold eyes off me.

His face was expressionless but I could sense his feeling victory. His head tilted slightly to the side and a mocking imitation of his half-grin appeared to twitch at the ends of his beautifully shaped lips. My own lips curled, revealing a glimpse of glaring white teeth.

Fluidly he spun around but before his foot made its first step I spoke up again. "Leave her"

His head turned slightly towards his fist, in which I knew resided my prey (**hunt**). He appeared to stage some sort of internal struggle and I knew it was his attachment to the figurine (**kill**) versus his reluctance to show it in front of me.

Pride took predominance and he carefully replaced the blushing maiden (**blood**) once more on the mantelpiece. His hand wavered before it for a long moment before clutching in a fist as he strode out.

I was alone…or almost (**kill**).

"So," I spoke quietly, almost silently, not even Edward would be able to hear, "You've come back have you?"

She didn't answer. The rational part of me might have commented that she was a porcelain figure and thus couldn't actually reply. But I was currently beyond the reaches of rationality (**crazed**).

"You're not going to control me" I whispered, tracing her features as he had done before me (**kill**). I picked her up in my own marble hand as carefully as he had. The porcelain looked dirty next to my luminous white skin. I lifted her up to my face, her little porcelain mouth almost looking like it was screaming (**death**).

"Goodbye Bella Swan" I (**going**) whispered. My hand closed gently around her little body (**going**).

I walked slowly to the large window opposite my bed. With one hand I opened the white-framed window. My hand curved over my fist as I leant out the window.

"Make a wish Bella" I whispered and touched the fist lightly with my lips before opening it and holding the powder out to the wind. It caught it gleefully, I watched as the powder ran away with the breeze.

Away from me (**gone**).

There was no particles clinging to my smooth skin when I withdrew my hand, she had gone. I leant out the window for a moment and enjoyed that same gentle wind lacing through my hair before it fell back into a perfect style.

A strange feeling arose within me. I looked straight up into the window above me. The room was pitch black as usual but that didn't matter to my enhanced sight. And once I caught sight of those eyes once more I recoiled back into my room and slammed the window shut, rattling the glass.

He had seen the powder and undoubtedly known what it was.

It was fury I had seen in his eyes. It hurt; it burned my insides and tied my stomach into knots.

He'd never been angry at me before – no wait, he'd never been angry at Bella Swan before. We were not the same person, I reminded myself. I forced the thought onto myself until I felt cool indifference seep into my body.

He could be mad at Bella Swan all he liked now. It wouldn't matter soon.

But first, I needed to stop being so goddamn emotional and screwing up the plan. Especially over stupid little dolls. It was too early to speak to Edward; I'd wait until he cooled down, and I didn't feel like attracting him with my music again.

The others wouldn't be back for hours yet, Heidi assured me that I'd have more than enough time for my first encounter. Instead I sat cross-legged on my bed and closed my eyes, easing into mediation. I added the new equations to the plan and calculated Edward's reaction. Then, once I got the work out of the way, I indulged in a meadow fantasy.

A distinctive revving sounded and my eyes snapped open. The sun-drenched day had given way to a pale dusk, the sky greying and turning calmer. I unfolded my body and walked to the window, a fiery red Ferrari flew up the street. I easily recognised Rosalie's taste. It halted at extreme speed few metres from the house.

I watched as the door flew open and the four females emerged. Though the car was visually full of bags, with more in the trunk, none of the four carried anything. I suspected that was a job for the husbands when they came home.

Heidi looked up and twirled her fingers at me in greeting. I ran downstairs to greet them at the door.

"London has more shops then I remember" Heidi proclaimed as soon as I appeared.

"But nothing compared to Parisian shops" Rosalie appeared beside her.

Alice skipped behind them "America has some pretty fun stuff. But I just like to shop, I don't really care where"

"Hello Bella" Esme greeted as the other three passed me into the house "I feel awful about leaving you all alone…or with, erm, 'limited' company" she corrected herself, giving a quick peek up to Edward's window.

"Its fine Esme" I smiled at her, which she automatically returned, "I'm not that fussed on shopping anyway."

She touched my shoulder in a motherly gesture to bring me inside. "Alice, when are the other's returning?" she asked.

"They're here now!" Alice called, belting downstairs from her room. True to her word, the door flew open and Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett appeared.

"Hello darling" Esme said, giving her husband a quick peck on the lips.

"Al, please say that we're not supposed to take all that crap in the car inside" Emmett groaned, gesturing to the packed Ferrari.

"It's not crap" Rosalie interposed hotly "It's Gucci"

"You've already got a heap of Gucci. I'd know, it's taking over our wardrobe"

"There's always room for more" She replied tartly. Emmett rolled his eyes and seized Jasper, who was exchanging adoring stares with Alice, by his collar and dragged him to the car while muttering under his breath about women and their shopping addictions.

I almost laughed at the chaos the family brought to the formerly silent house. It went from empty to full in about three seconds. Or almost empty, I cast a look upwards but there was no movement that indicated he was about to greet his family.

I felt a hand on my shoulder "Never mind about him" Carlisle said, the others were beginning to migrate into various areas of the house "Edward will keep to himself. I do hope you haven't felt neglected"

"Actually we had a conversation earlier today, short-lived as it was" I replied offhandedly. I felt uncomfortable with the searching gaze he sent me.

"Indeed" he replied finally.

I gave a small smile and turned to leave but his voice stopped me "Bella?"

I turned back around "Yes?"

"Would you object to having that talk now? About our differing eating habits?" I was reminded of his enquiry the first time we met about my way of eating.

I didn't have anything else to do and to refuse would seem rude, no matter how uncomfortable I was feeling right now. I had no idea why I was so ill at ease. I decided to put it off as being worried about Edward.

"I'd love to" I replied.

"We can run to my office at work, it will be empty and we won't be disturbed there"

"Of course" I replied despite the weird tightening in my stomach. I ignored the gut feeling, this was Carlisle, I wasn't going to come into any harm with him. But for some reason the feeling seemed to be for something completely different.

"Let us go then" he smiled and started to run. I followed his lead, racing at break-neck speed with ease. We were faster than blurs, a sudden gust of wind to passerbyers. He sped round the back of a massive cream building and halted at a tedious-looking grey door.

"This is the back so we won't been seen" he explained "This the clinic I work at" He produced a set of keys from a pocket and unlocked the door.

A receptionist was just gathering up some papers at her desk as we appeared, she dropped them in fright and turned red "Dr Cullen, I was just leaving"

Carlisle waved his hand with a smile "I'll lock up. I'm just treating a _special _patient" he emphasised the word. The woman's eyes slid to me and widened in recognition. Her rouged lips formed my name soundlessly. "I trust this will be confidential" Carlisle cut in smoothly.

"Yes, yes of course Dr Cullen" she said hurriedly.

"I will see you tomorrow Susan" She turned pink again and gave us a nod as she fled out the way we came.

"Lovely girl, great receptionist" Carlisle commented as we walked down a sparsely decorated white hallway to his office. He stood aside for me to enter first in a show of the old-fashioned chivalry ingrained in him from his mortal years.

The office was furnished much like the rest of the clinic in the less-is-more method. The pale paint made it seems larger and airier; a bookcase took up one wall with a low bed was along another. In the middle of the room, two chairs faced a large oak desk.

I noticed a picture of his family on the desk; they looked like a model family on the front of some cereal box, everyone smiling at the camera, except for Edward who was staring coldly at something in the distance.

Another frame showed him and Esme, then one with Emmett and Rosalie and one with Alice and Jasper. There was a final picture frame facing down.

I looked curiously at it, wondering who it held. A quick glance to Carlisle showed him busily inspecting his bookcase. I moved towards it and picked it up, and immediately dropped it.

It hit the desk with a thud and a crack of glass sounded throughout the room. I froze, not thinking of Carlisle's reaction. The picture held one of Edward looking far happier than he was now. His arms were wrapped tightly around a girl, her face completely red; Bella Swan.

I didn't hear Carlisle come up behind me until his voice sounded near my ear "You may have warded off my wife by playing on her compassion, Bella, but do you really think that I wouldn't recognise one of my own children?"

_**And we have a cliff-hanger. Ha. I wasn't initially intending someone to find out and so quickly, but I need substance for this chapter or it would have been about half as short. I gave you all the first encounter of Bella and Edward, not that nice, and a big cliffy. Ha, now you have to wait for more!**_

_**Shun the non-believer…shunnn…sssshhhhuuuuunnnnnnnn…  
(The annoying unicorns off internet-sensation Charlie the Unicorn) **_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	8. Lily

_**Hi. Well, what can I say? After a D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G-L-Y long absence (Bad Queen Cocaine!) I finally finished this chapter. I do have reasons for being away; they include but are not limited to, writers block, depression, large life changes, laziness and some of these friend people demanding my attention every minute of every day. Meh. No one said the teenage years were easy. So, without much more ado (and drivel), I give you numeral eight! (Oh, and a happy New Year chaps! Have a good one yeah?) **_

**Dedication to Lacrymosa Wolf for her great taste in music. (I downloaded all the Flyleaf songs and I LOVE them! My favourite is "Cassie") If anyone else has music ideas I'd be glad to hear them. **

Chapter Eight

_The picture held one of Edward looking far happier than he was now. His arms were wrapped tightly around a girl, her face completely red; Bella Swan._

_I didn't hear Carlisle come up behind me until his voice sounded near my ear "You may have warded off my wife by playing on her compassion, Bella, but do you really think that I wouldn't__ recognise__ one of my own children?" _

If I had a heart, at that moment it would have stopped.

Had I been human, this would have lasted for a split-second before the organ continued to beat. But I'm not human, my own heart lay forever still beneath a stone cold chest.

The shock of being discovered lasted only a fleeting second, even to a vampire, before my mind rebooted and began to work on overdrive. Only years of training kept my carefully blank face from cracking but behind the still red eyes there was a flurry of movement.

Carlisle knew.

There was a probability that at least one of the Cullen's would have found out but I didn't expect it to be this soon. I underestimated him; something I would not do again.

I didn't think I was that important enough to him to count me amongst his own children. If he did see me as one of his own…then why did he leave me?

To fend on my own.

To be killed.

To see my life burst into flames.

This was something I would ponder at a later time; right now my complete attention was needed to fix this. I didn't have a fully developed plan for if they found out as of yet. I didn't expect it to be so soon and thought I'd have time to figure it out.

Right now I had two options; I could admit it and have Carlisle sworn to secrecy. But then I would have to reveal key parts of my plot, things I did not think that Carlisle would approve of. He might even try to contradict my plan; his own beliefs do not exactly echo my own.

The other option would be, obviously, to deny it. This was the most iffy, but if it worked I could throw Carlisle off enough to work out a later plan as to how to deal with him.

"Bella?"

Time was running out.

I looked straight into his eyes, momentarily reflecting upon the colour of molten gold just like his son, and replied in a calm voice. "I don't know what you are talking about Carlisle"

A crease appeared between his eyebrows as they drew together slightly in a frown. He was bluffing then. He didn't know for sure but had a large suspicion.

I had only put fuel to the fire when I dropped the picture. I would have to be more careful in the future around him. But for now, if I could extend that little piece of doubt, I could possibly get out of this.

Heidi would have to be informed of the new development and I needed her to initiate yet another phase. This one, essential for the overall plot.

"Bella please…" he trailed off. I continued to keep on my expressionless mask

"Carlisle, you can plead all you want. It won't change the fact that I'm not who you want me to be."

He seemed at a lack of words. I knew he still believed that I was the other Bella and was confused by my response. I also knew that because of this a shadow of doubt was falling over him.

Perfect.

There was silence between us; I could feel his eyes on me though I looked straight ahead. He looked disappointed in me. I pushed away the bite of guilt that came from letting down a parent.

I needed something to get me away from this situation. I wasn't comfortable in awkward conversations and the silence was quickly turning this into one.

Finally Carlisle opened his mouth to speak "I-" he was cut off by one of my own songs; 'I'm so sick' ringing through the still air.

"_I'm so sick,  
__Infected with where I live  
__Let me live without this  
__Empty bliss,  
__Selfishness  
__I'm so sick"_

Stupid Heidi, changing my ring tone.

I nodded an apology to Carlisle before flipping the wafer-thin cell open.

"Yes?" I snapped. The voice that snapped back at me was one I was familiar with though it still, on occasion, hurt my sensitive vampire ears.

"**Where the bloody hell are you Suicide?!**"

I inwardly winced as I held the phone away from my ear. Carlisle looked vaguely amused.

The penetrating pack-a-day voice belonged to one of my more recent accessories. Due to my stint as Bella Suicide, Rock Star, I decided that I needed someone to do the work I didn't want to do so I could spend my time scheming. It's also for show.

So I searched for someone who adhered to my needs to appear as my manager. This is where Dana Springs comes in. Of course, Dana doesn't know that's she's merely a prop.

She just sees me as the star that came out of nowhere with the magical voice and looks who doesn't like to be touched. But then again, she's used to dealing with temperamental celebrities. To her I'm her "find". She doesn't know that I "found" her first.

But she's useful in working out my career and doesn't ask questions…much.

"I'm in Bristol" I replied calmly.

There was a choking noise from the other end "**ENGLAND?? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING A CONCERT IN NINE HOURS IN NEW YORK!!**"

My ears ached.

"Then I will fly out and fly back afterwards" I replied calmly.

"**How are you supposed to get a flight?! And what the hell are you doing in England anyway? You can't just disappear and turn up in other countries! Bella? Are you listening to me?**"

"I can hear you clearly Dana" I replied "I will see you in New York in seven hours"

"**They don't give out planes like candy!! You have to book in advance! Not to mention time delays and do you even know how busy international airports are?! I'll have to cancel the concert. Oh God…why do you do these things to me Suicide? Do you enjoy seeing my pain?**"

"It sustains me" I said morbidly "See you in seven hours"

"**Bite me you sadistic bitch!!**" She howled as I hung up.

I laughed at the irony of her words. But this had given me an opening.

"I'm afraid I'll have to cut this short Carlisle" I said apologetically "I have to get to New York"

He laughed good naturedly as always and waved me away. "We'll have to continue this conversation some other time" There was a gleam in his eyes. I would need to avoid him until I developed an appropriate plan of defense.

"Of course" I replied sedately and left the office in the blink of a human eye. While running back towards the Cullen's house I reopened my cell and pressed 2 on speed dial.

"Bella?" Heidi's sweet accent greeted me on the first ring "Aren't you with Carlisle?"

"We're going to be in New York in seven hours, I'll explain it later" I spoke quickly and hung up.

Thirty seconds later I arrived at the Cullen's house, Heidi was already outside with Esme. They both looked up as I appeared in front of them.

"New York?" Heidi enquired.

"My agent called. I have a concert there in nine hours" I replied "I'll get there in seven so I have a couple of hours before and after the concert to _shop_" I said the magic word.

"Can I come?" Alice appeared in front of me, arms clasped together in a pleading manner.

"Have you asked your mother?" I revoked playfully.

Esme laughed "As If I could stop that girl when she wants to shop. You girls go on"

Alice squealed and hugged her mother. Heidi shot a questioning look at me. I sent one back saying that I would explain later.

"Shall we go then ladies?" Heidi asked as Alice broke away from the hug.

"_Dum-dum-da-dum-dum, Dum-dum-da-dum-dum, Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today, I want to be a part of it - New York, New York_…" She sung out a soprano-themed voice.

I shook my head, Alice will be Alice, and we set off. Racing past the cars on the motorway in a blink of a human eye we got to London international airport in twenty minutes.

We smoothly melted into the crowd of well-wishers and travellers, weaving our way through them with ease. No one gave us a second glance, other than the usual awe at our unreal beauty. But they still didn't recognise Bella Suicide as I wasn't wearing a mask.

I suppose in a way, not wearing a mask _is_ my mask. At least when I don't want to be recognised in public.

I directed my two companions to a semi- secluded door near an executive lounge. The main attention focused on the going ins and outs of the lounge gave the door even more concealment.

It was unmarked and undecorated and painted in a similar color to the walls next to it. I pushed open the door and simultaneously slid outsized Dior sunglasses on to cover a large potion of my face in representation of my signature mask.

The room we emerged into was large and airy with a huge window making up the opposite wall. It reminded me of the Cullen's first house. Well, to me it was their first house.

The rest of the room was rather dull, the standard pale cream walls, plain furniture and matching carpet. In fact, the only redeeming quality was the view of the window which looked out over the airfields.

It would be very peaceful, watching the planes go in and out. There was a solitary figure, back to us, doing just that.

He didn't jump as I clicked the door sharply behind us after our silent entry. Heidi's eyes immediately fixed on him and I could feel her getting ravenous. After all, a single human in a secluded room to a vampire was easy prey. I ignored her; she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my objective.

This was like a soap-opera to her. She watched with constant amusement, not even realising she was one of the characters.

I flicked my eyes in Alice's direction. She was safely preoccupied with watching a large plane take off to New Zealand. With everyone in the room safely accounted for, and safely distracted, I knew they wouldn't miss my presence for a few moments.

I closed my eyes and easily slid into my mind. I located the spring of my gift stealing power and then, beyond that, the box of collected powers. Within that resided Heidi's gift of suggestive thought.

Heidi, at the beginning of her turning, may have had a short range of this gift. But after a few millennia, just like Aro and Jane's powers, it strengthened marginally.

As a result it was not hard to find my victim especially when coupled with Dimitri's tracking abilities.

I formed an idea and planted it into her mind where it would root and fester. It was a strong thought, one that most vampires have had before. The desire for power was strong amongst our kind, part of our animalistic instincts.

Yet another part of my plan, flawlessly carried out. I removed myself from the other vampire's mind and returned to my own. I replaced the stolen gifts into my minds box and opened my eyes, returning to reality.

The beauty of the psyche world is that it doesn't run on the same time stream as the reality.

The art of suggestive thought, something I had read up on prior to this, was based on a sort of 'planting' policy. The more time you had to place the thought, or 'plant' it, the stronger it was.

I managed to carefully root in the thought deep in the other vampire's mind using Heidi's gift. This wasn't the first time; I'd done it again and again since Heidi had first come into my company.

It was now totally compulsive and an almost uncontrollable urge to act upon it.

Perfect.

And thought it took an age to plant the thought, it took, at most, a few seconds in reality. I opened my eyes again to find nothing had changed, their gazes were still focused on the same places they were when I closed my eyes.

Now that my first task was done, it was time to move on. I had a concert to perform. I stepped forward; the man in front of the window sensed my movement – purposefully on my part.

"Miss Suicide" he greeted in a low tone.

"Captain" I returned.

The captain spun around purposefully and surveyed each of us, his gaze lingering on Alice; the youngest-looking of us. I suppressed a grimace.

"Your private jet is ready for take-off at your leisure" he said finally "Gate one-four-three"

He didn't say anything to either Heidi or Alice, and I didn't expect him to. The captain disliked most people found company almost intolerable most of the time. All my visits with him had been short.

"Come" I said quietly for their ears only. Alice sighed with regret at leaving the view but followed like a dutiful child. I didn't even have to look to know that Heidi was at my side.

I wondered how she liked her newfound role of 'side-kick'. It certainly was a change from her prior royal status.

Once we returned to the bustle of the airport Alice cheered up marginally. "Come on!" Her chiming voice echoed and made more then a few heads turn. Heidi and I followed her graceful dancing walk through the crowds towards the gate that held my private jet.

"Is this part of the plan or are we simply taking a trip?" Heidi asked in a low voice so as not to be picked up by Alice.

"It is merely an extension of my persona as–"

"BELLA SUICIDE! GOOD LORD! MAY I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH??"

I silently cursed that single person as thousands of heads turned towards me. It was a good thing that I was wearing my sunglasses, though that may have been the thing to tip the fan off. At least my identity wasn't completely compromised.

Heidi swore softly in Italian as we ducked our heads while the flashes of cameras echoed around us. We moved as fast as we could to still be considered human yet at the same time dodging the English press with an inhuman accuracy.

Gate 143 emerged straight ahead, I could just see Alice's tiny figure through the crown waiting impatiently for us to arrive. Airport security finally made an appearance, clearing a path for us with little difficulty.

Heidi relaxed slightly. I could tell that it was hard for her, being so close to so many humans. The several men and women in navy uniforms holding the crowd back with practised ease nodded to us as we passed them.

"Can I fly?" Alice asked as soon as we reached her.

"Can you a fly a Falcon?" I queried as we strode down through the gate tunnel.

"2000?" Alice asked for confirmation "I took lessons a couple of years ago; a wedding anniversary present to me…from me"

I nodded, inwardly laughing. "Very well, it all yours"

Alice squealed and clapped her hands. "I'll make Jasper buy me one for Christmas"

"An airplane?" Heidi asked. Alice nodded. The Volturi queen scoffed "My Aro never demeaned me with foolish mortal gifts like _airplanes_"

Alice looked at her somberly "I feel sorry for you"

Heidi paused in shock. Clearly no one had ever said _that_ to her. Alice slowed her pace.

I wandered ahead, knowing this conversation did not include me yet still listening carefully. It pays to keep both friends and enemies close, and I didn't know what one Heidi would turn out to be.

"I mean, I would die, not literally, if Jasper stopped giving me gifts. Then I would kick his ass!" She finished in typical Alice flair, coupling her words with equally violent gestures.

Heidi nodded slowly "I don't think I will understand your way of thinking for a long time. I do not need these things from Aro; all our kind need are our mates. Without them we are nothing"

Her words struck a chord somewhere within me and I had a sudden longing to see Edward, even the darker version I left in Bristol.

"I know that!" Alice spoke with fervor "I'm just saying that it makes undead existence interesting" They started to walk again.

Heidi paused in thought "Aro once gifted me with a Da Vinci piece from the artist himself"

Alice cackled "An original Da Vinci? That's not bad, but how about getting something a little more _sparkly_?"

I let a small smile grace my lips, they were getting along nicely. Since this didn't actually interfere directly with my plan I didn't interrupt.

I stepped into the gusty airfield, my dark locks whipping around my face as if with a giant fan in a Vogue shoot. I skimmed over the painted lines on the concrete, following a white ladder shaped one that led me to the large black jet conspicuously placed against all the white airport planes.

"Hurry" I spoke to the two who were just coming out of the tunnel. In an instant they were both by my side. Alice took one look at the Falcon and let out a joyous shriek that was immediately carried away by the wind.

She flew inside in a blur, I could see her figure through the blacked out glass of the cockpit. Heidi soon joined her.

I paused for a second and looked out at the solitary figure standing in the middle of a huge glass window; I didn't doubt he was watching us. He gave a small, almost inconspicuous nod and I saluted in return before moving up the staircase and into the plane.

The pulling of the wind halted as soon as the stairs were pulled up but I could still hear it clearing as it howled around the jet. The interior was luxurious indeed, in contrast to the dark exterior it was done completely in shades of white.

"Let's see your skill Alice" I said as I wandered to the bar, pre-stocked with my preferred beverage.

"That's Captain Cullen to you Miss Suicide" Alice's voice rang through from the cockpit.

"A drink anyone? Alice, I have mountain lion, specially imported"

"That's Edwards's favourite" Alice commented absent mindedly. I smiled as I poured three separate packets of blood into three glasses and garnished them with small umbrellas.

"_This is you captain speaking_" Alice's voice came through an intercom in the wall. I rolled my eyes. "_We are looking at a six hour flight tonight with mild turbulence as we come out of this ridiculously windy city. So sit back, relax Bella Suicide, you can sing if you want to, I don't mind. In fact, I particularly like that song you played at the club. It was catchy. You ca-_"

At this point there was a scuffling noise and a giant crack followed by a large amount of static.

"Heidi, the next time you wrench the intercom out of Alice's hand, please do not demolish it" I said coolly.

"Who said there is going to be a next time?" Heidi demanded as she glided in, immediately heading to where I had placed her drink. "She's not going near that thing again"

"Try and stop me!" Came the heated reply. Closely followed by "And where's my drink??"

I looked at Heidi who looked down ehr nose at me. "The Volturi do _not_ serve drinks" she said with all her five thousand years of arrogance. Alice danced into the cabin huffily and snatched her drink up.

"And who is flying the plane?" I asked, daintily sipping at my own.

Alice crinkled her nose at me but returned to the cockpit, the plane not faltering from its smooth path despite her momentary absence.

I tipped the rest of the blood into my mouth, greedily swallowing, before dropping deftly onto the white leather settee. I kicked off my Italian leather stilettos and pulled my legs up and sinking in a lotus position.

"Distract Alice" I murmured to Heidi before closing my eyes and falling into meditation. I needed to check up on my other plans.

For the second time that day I retreated into my mind. Vaguely I heard Heidi engage Alice in conversation though it was more a background hum than anything, the words indistinguishable, even to my sensitive ears.

I withdrew even further until I reached my spring of power. I removed the mild block I had on Alice's power, not strong enough for her to notice but enough to keep her from seeing anything she shouldn't. I hooked a tendril of my power into her and relinquished it into myself, locking it into the 'box' in my mind.

I absorbed her power into myself for a short while and concentrated on a specific person. The same person I had implanted thoughts into earlier.

A tingling started in my nose. Trust Alice's power to have the feeling of a sneeze.

It spread up my nose and into my eyes as if a veil were being put over them. I opened them slowly and almost gasped. Instead of the snowy interior of my private jet, I was looking into a deep cold room, most likely some sort of dungeon at some point.

A rusty chandelier lit with candle stubs gave a dim lighting to the room but leaving large pockets of shadow especially in the corners. Someone had once tried to reduce the dreariness by adding rich burgundy drapes, the velvet now eaten by moths until it was reduced to a rag, across the windows while a Persian carpet almost blended into the dirty floor.

A crooked mahogany book case covered the opposite wall to the window, filled with dusty antique books. Other than a threadbare settee, the room appeared empty. To a human.

My eyes, however, remained fixed on the lone figure hidden within the shadows of the corner furthest away from the moldy wooden door. They seemed to be waiting for something and I had a good idea what that thing was.

We didn't wait long, almost immediately a loud bang came from somewhere behind the door. The figure tensed at the same moment as I did when the door creaked open.

The figure stepped into the light revealing a stunning Asian vampire with a sheet of pin straight hair that hung down her back. She was dressed in an old fashioned kimono the same strange plum colour as her hair while a black obi was wrapped almost painfully tight around her torso.

Her wooden Geta made no noise as she stepped over the stone floor. Her almond shaped burgundy colored eyes were fixed on the newcomer who stepped forwards, red hair glinting in the dim candle light. Her voice was still as raspy as I remembered.

_"Akita Yuri, I am need of your assistance"_

I withdrew from the vision with a smile.

Yet another part complete.

_**Well fuck me that took ages. I had the idea in my head but absolutely no way to get it onto the page. Writers block is a sickening disease. But today I sat down and said "I'm finishing this bloody chapter" and I did. Whoot. Most of that was filler, but every fic needs fillers to, um, "fill" the story. I did place a few plot hints in there. I mean, who was Bella thought planting in? Who is the new vampire? Yuri is going to play a part so watch out for her. Kudos to those who can figure out who she really is. Well this is it for me, I'm off to bed. It being early hours and all. Goodnight minions!**_

_**Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	9. Trashing Hotel Rooms

"One day I will disappear completely

_**Pick me! Choose me! Love me! For I have updated! This is well, a pointless yet satisfying chapter that I will blame entirely on **__**Music 1s my s0ul**__**, for she gave me music and wanted this to happen. You will see what I mean when you read…and then review. THE SHOW MUST GO ONNNN!! **_

Chapter Nine

_One day I will disappear completely. The letters will mean nothing. The world will get tired of me. You will get tired of me. I will get tired of myself, and die._

_But I will never get tired of you. For you, there will be no endings. I will say your name over and over, like a refrain. My prayer to no one._

_Then I'll be a flower, the one you'll never pick. And will endure the breathless waiting till boundaries disappear. With nothing to do, I make new constellations._

_Images of you as I remember - Dancing. Sitting. Walking... There are stars from a different view. But still, I see nothing but you. Unfurling like a flower._

_Swiveling like a leaf... I once dreamed of you sleeping beside me. It was dark then, but the darkness is deeper now. Tonight in my dreams I will see you, my love, clothed only in light..._

_Like a kite, I've given my self up to the wind. I made friends with the sun. Confused the birds with strange and distant voyages. But it is you that ties the thread and hauls me down._

_Like a kite, I will forever hold your hand. And with a burning human longing, in your hands, I surrender. I will never get tired of you._

_For you there will be no endings. I will say your name over and over like a refrain. My prayer to no one. You know I will never get far._

_And there is no need for my return. I've never been a traveler. For I have never left. I am lost, simply. Wanting to be in a place I've never been, and will never be._

_Of all destinations, I long to be lost in the fields of your hair, lost among your thoughts as you are already in mine. You are my imperative to live._

_My life started when I loved you. And that's how I want it to end._

I finished off the last letter with a delicate swirl and replaced the black quill in the ink pot. I picked up the parchment and blew gently, my icy breath drying the scarlet ink as soon as it met it.

My eyes scanned across the delicate calligraphy, so different from the messy scrawl that was Bella Swan's handwriting, once more before I folded it, pressing down across the crease.

I reached for the red candle burning on the corner of the desk and dripped the wax over the edge of the letter, pressing down on it with the ring on my third finger. My signet of BS stared back at me. I flipped the paper over, blank side up.

The hotel suite was peaceful, quiet classical music playing throughout the rooms. I could still hear the hushed rustling of the other occupants within the hotel.

I was alone. Heidi and Alice had gone on a shopping/clubbing spree and wouldn't be back for hours still.

I took a deep breath, inhaling the countless mixed scents of the city that never sleeps.

A flicker of something misplaced emerged within the cornucopia of aromas. A scent more seductive than the finest of perfumes.

My eyes flickered open and shot to the view of the lit up city seen from the balcony of the room. Of course there was going to be vampires in New York.

The missing person's rate was much too high for there to not be and it was a perfect place for us to hunt in. A crowd of people twenty-four/seven, no one ever notices a few missing.

But this was different. Familiar, and not in a good way.

"You followed me here" I stated to the empty boudoir, decorated in French Renaissance style.

A low chuckle echoed in the room. My eyes flicked to the balcony where he stood, silhouetted against the lights of the city. My tongue darted out to trace my lips, a portrayal of nervousness to make him feel in control.

I stood, "Why?"

He didn't answer but I could feel his scorching gaze on me. My muscles tightened involuntarily.

I strode nonchalantly over to the set of Louis Vuitton carry cases that Alice and Heidi had insisted on taking. I slipped the paper in my hand into one of them firmly zipped it up again.

I straightened and instantly knew he was behind me. I could feel his breath on my neck. This sent a tingling running down my body to places I would rather it didn't.

This was no time to lose my head. Unlike the other visit, this one was unplanned. Heidi and Alice weren't coming back till tomorrow at the very earliest and I was alone in a hotel room with Edward Cullen.

But first, I had to figure out his intentions.

I turned slowly to face him. His cool breath flowed over my face now and I closed my eyes, savoring the fragrance. I felt his finger tip, tracing down my face and across my bottom lip. I felt a pleasant prickling sensation down my arms.

Warning bells went through my mind and I snapped out of the stupor. My eyes flew open. He was very close to me, our lips were almost touching. I took a step back only to bump against the bed.

My mind wasn't working properly. My breath came in short bursts. His eyes were so mesmerizing, the blazing gold was almost swirling.

My ceramic bones felt liquidated. His hand reached out and not a single part of me could say that I didn't want it. It reached around my waist and in one short pull, yanked me to him.

We were pressed so close together that I could feel ever inch of his body, especially through his ridiculously tight pants.

Since when did Edward wear pants that tight anyway? Not that I minded. Except in this circumstance. This, I reminded myself was bad. Very bad.

I went to pull myself away (reluctantly) but found that he had no intention of letting me go. I looked up into his wolfish grin.

"Let me go, Edward" I said, making my voice seemed totally unaffected.

"Oh, I don't think so" He replied. I could see his gaze flick around my face, setting for a few heart-stopping moments on my lips before trailing down my body.

I fought to keep my shaking limbs under control. His eyes returned to my face again as an almost cruel smirk emerged on his features. The remnants of the old Edward, _my_ Edward were almost totally erased.

"You know, you remind me of someone I used to know" he started, his gaze still calmly exploring my features.

I almost froze. It was impossible. He couldn't know. Unless I gave him far less credit that he deserved. But I had gone to such lengths to make sure he didn't know.

Completely changing my personality and appearance. I avoided him at every possible moment minus the ones I needed him for. And during those moments I sprayed myself with so much perfume that he couldn't possibly be able to distinguish my smell from that.

In a flash I had all my options laid out in front of me. I could either play it dumb like I did Carlisle but I didn't think this Edward would buy it.

I had barely scraped by with Carlisle and that was only because I was interrupted by Dana Springs. I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to trick Edward that easily.

There was no other option; I had to let him into my plans and hope for the best.

"You two are almost polar opposites but there's something about you that reminds me of her" Edward continued, still searching my face.

I steeled myself "Edward, I–"

"But then I realised" he cut me off without regard "That you couldn't possibly be the same person"

I stared at him.

"I'm confident that I would recognise B–her. But _you_ on the other hand" He looked down at me "There's something about you; I can't put my finger on it. Your scent?" He leant towards my and ran his nose up my throat, inhaling deeply. I took a sharp breath, shuddering at the sensation.

"Your feel?" He shifted upwards, rubbing his cold cheek against mine. When I was human, the feel of his body was like ice. Cold, solid. It was strange that I didn't notice any of that now. Now the friction of our cheeks together sends a burning down me rather than a chill.

"Or" His face paused and started to slide again until our noses were touching. I was completely still, not even breathing. "Your taste" Gently his smooth pink tongue slid over my bottom lip and back into his mouth.

Then again, this time sucking gently. I couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't do a single thing to stop him. Then slowly, his lips eased over mine more and more and before my mind could catch up we were kissing.

It wasn't the soft hesitant kisses we used to share where I would try to deepen it and he would pull back. This time we were both fighting for dominance. I took it, nudging his lips with my tongue. They opened willingly but only so he could take control with his own tongue.

He dug deep into my mouth, tasting and exploring everything. I wasn't worried about his recognising me from that; he was always too cautious to ever get this close to me. It was strange that he would kiss someone he barely knew like this and not the girl he'd been dating for a year.

But right now, the feel of his mouth moving against mine, I couldn't have cared less.

The kiss turned more and more aggressive as if we were both working off our frustration towards each other. My hands reached up and entangled themselves in his hair almost painfully while his arms around my waist pulled me even closer, grinding our bodies together.

I gasped into his mouth and bit down hard on his bottom lip. He let loose a growl in the back of his throat and shoved me back onto the bed.

He wasted no time in pinning me down and attacking my throat with gnawing kisses. My body bucked against his as he bit down hard on my jugular and I let out a throaty moan. "_Edward_"

He froze. I opened my eyes to see why he wasn't continuing with his ministrations. He was staring down at me with a peculiar expression, almost anger.

"Fuck" he swore violently and jumped off the bed. He landed in a stance, like he was ready for a fight. I rolled over into a crouch. The way he was acting, I wasn't sure there wouldn't be one.

"What is your problem?" I spat.

He glared at me.

I let loose a growl. What the hell was he playing at? I didn't like being screwed with.

It seemed to shock him into his right mind. He straightened up into a formal posture. I noted his body language still seemed defensive.

"I apologise Miss Suicide" He pronounced slowly and coolly.

I stared at him, not leaving from my own defensive crouch.

"That was not my intention in coming here tonight and I am deeply regretful of my actions and how they might have affected me"

I looked at him like he was talking gibberish. He certainly wasn't making any sense.

"What was you intention then?" I asked, as cool and refined as his own tone.

He raised an ironic eyebrow at me. "To congratulate you on your concert. It was…stimulating" and with that he was gone. Out the open terrace doors.

In a split-second I followed, only to the balcony itself. He was already gone, onto the next rooftop like some sort of comic book superhero.

I bet he'd be fucking batman.

"Fucking Cullen!" I snarled after him. I spun back into the room, slamming the balcony doors closed and kicking over an ornamental table, breaking the vase that was perched on it and scattering flowers everywhere.

My fingers curled into fists and I shook them furiously, ready to punch something, _anything_.

I was so damn furious at myself. Even more than I was at him. I had lost control. I had relinquished myself to him, damming the consequences. I had put my plan in peril.

I had let him play me like a fucking piano.

I screeched, putting all my fury into one single note.

An elaborately framed mirror cracked.

I stormed around the room, stomping my feet and feeling satisfaction with the crunch of the wooden floors splintering beneath my feet.

I stopped suddenly, I still needed an outlet and in that second of silence, the notes of Beethoven's Moonlight Sinatra broke through and I thought of one.

I crashed over to the stereo and tuned it until I heard a familiar song with harsh guitar strokes, thundering drums and a screaming voice.

I snatched up my own guitar, put it on the highest frequency and slammed down on it, joining the music playing with my own special brand of rock.

"**COWARD!!**

spit I think I'll spit  
For all those girls, who speak contradiction The guy who crept through the  
shadows everyday to clutch his own conclusion Watch all the blood, as it  
drips from your veins you coward Godspeed, may your death come quickly

I think I'll take this hate and , SPIT, SPIT, SPIT

Now as it's passed onto the next one I feel a blood rush come right over me  
You know you will never be right in the eyes of the ones who know You trusted  
the devil and she will betray you

Low

Why do I get shit all the time from you men You are swine You think dick is  
the answer But its not.

**Why do I get shit all the time from you men You are swine You think dick is  
the answer But its not!**""

The hurried knocking on the door became more obvious as the song ended.

I hit the last chord and let out a satisfied sigh. A new song began to play in the wake of the old one but I turned down the volume and went to answer the door, tossing my Dior sunglasses on to cover my features.

I already knew who it was before I opened it. The crisp navy uniform of the hotel staff adorned the man who was slightly taken back to come face to face with one of the worlds most elusive celebrities.

"Yes?" I drawled, raising one eyebrow at him over the out-sized glasses.

"Erm, Madam Sui–" he started off.

"_Mademoiselle_" I corrected.

He flushed "My apologies Mademoiselle Suicide, but we have had quite a few complaints about the noise coming from your suite from the other hotel guests. Unfortunately if the noise persists we will be required to–"

I smirked at him "I'll try to keep it down"

He nodded nervously "Thank you for your cooperation, if there's anything you need?"

I swung the door wider, allowing him a view of the wrecked room. "I think I'll need a fresh vase of flowers brought up, and maybe a new table. I had a little accident with the last one"

He looked like he was about to faint. "Yes…of course, Mademoiselle Suicide. I'll see right to it"

"Thank you" I sung, the picture of innocence, and slammed the door in his face.

"I hate men" I announced to the room.

"And you decided to take it out on the floral arrangements?" Alice asked, climbing in through the same balcony that her brother had exited from not so long ago.

Heidi was already inside, standing in the middle of the room, looking at the destruction with a disapproving eye. "They are going to wonder how you made craters with your feet" She took on her role as a Volturi.

I didn't bat an eye "Then we will change it to something less incriminating. Aren't you going to ask why I'm mad?"

"We already know" Alice informed me "I had a vision so we left the club, which was totally fun by the way, but we missed him obviously"

"Oh," I said unimpressed with myself yet again.

I had forgotten to block Alice's visions from Edward. As a result she'd foreseen his intention in coming here. But thankfully since his future mixed with mine as soon as we saw each other, and I was blocked from her, she wouldn't have seen anything that would lead to a very awkward conversation.

"And even if I hadn't seen him, this place reeks of my brother. What did he want anyway?"

I replied in the utmost composure "He wanted to congratulate me on my performance"

My eyes drifted across the room and halted on the Lois Vuitton bags.

One of them in particular.

Which was unzipped.

With a certain sealed letter missing.

_**Ooh, letter missing. Lots of secretive kissing. An angry Bella. A gloating Queen Cocaine. This chapter was rather pointless and only served to quench my thirst for a little Bella/Edward lovin'. I found and liked the poem thing so I put it in there; I haven't the slightest where I'm going to go with it and if it's going to actually have a place in the plot at all. Who knows? Anyways, love me for I have updated. You may show your affection in the form of reviews! Glorious reviews!**_

_**I'll wear my swimsuit if I want to!!**_

_**Love Queen Cocaine**_

_**XXX**_


	10. Congratulations to

Hey guys,

Thanks to the people who volunteered to adopt Suicide Girl, you were all great but unfortunately I can only pick one of you. I read heaps of samples and read some great fics but in the end my decision was final as to who was going to be the best for the fic. I chose someone who's writing and personal ideas closely mirror my own.

So now I congratulate Lollirotxox as the new author of Suicide Girl. She will continue at her leisure.

It's always hard to give up something you've poured a lot of yourself into, but I don't think I can give Suicide Girl the attention she deserves anymore. I hope Lolli will rise up to the challenge and continue to mould this story into something great.

I will miss all of you and your reviews and who knows; maybe I'll write another story if I ever decide to get my Twilight on!

Love ya,

Queen-Cocaine

xoxo


	11. Newsflash!

Back again Chicas,

Sorry for the excess of AN's, but the beautiful and talented Lollirotxox, has written the new chapter of Suicide Girl!

So if you haven't already, go read it! And give lots of lovely reviews for Lollirotxox because she deserves it!

Here's the link (just remove the spaces):

www . fanfiction . net / s / 4345843 / 1 / Suicide (underscore) Girl

So, go my pretties! And R&R!

Peace out!

Queen Cocaine

xoxo


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